Just for kicks the other day, I decided to google my daughter’s name. We’ve all done it, right? Googled people we know, googled ourselves?##M:[more]##
Anyway, the first link that comes up is a player bio page for the crew team at Johns Hopkins. The second link goes to a Katie Brossman Facebook page, so I clicked on it, but it wasn’t the right girl. Though not a terribly common name, it turns out it isn’t a completely unusual name either. So I went to the next link, and there was my firstborn, in all her college glory, along with a couple of friends, and OMG, what was she holding in her hand? It was a plastic cup filled with an amber-colored fluid, and I’m telling you it was not apple juice.
She’s away at school and she’s making many of her own choices, but this was what would be called a bad one. That night, on our chat by cell, I brought it up, very casually.
“Katie, cute Facebook picture, but that drink in your hand? Not the image you want to be projecting on a web page the whole world can see.”
Clearly caught off-guard, and probably wondering why Mom was patrolling the Internet, she said, “uhhhh, uhhhh, Mom, that’s not beer.” (It wasn’t beer, but she was still too young to be drinking it).
“Katie, I didn’t just fall off the pumpkin truck (this is a phrase Bill and I both like to use when we think the kids are trying to put one over on us) and frankly, it doesn’t really matter what it is. It’s what other people perceive it to be that is not going to reflect well on you when you apply for graduate school or a job in the future and your interviewer decides to google you the same way I did.”
I didn’t order her to change it, but it was strongly suggested, and she was smart enough to get the message. (She knows who holds the strings to her online banking account). When I checked later that night, a new picture was up, one of her with her siblings which did earn the mom seal of approval.
In addition to damaging reputations, other dangers posed by today’s technology were highlighted in a recent E-mail sent out to parents of resident students by the dean at Molly’s school in northern California. The subject was a certain spring rite of passage that apparently has developed into something of a tradition there. Here is a portion of that E-mail:
“Each spring male and female resident students have run around campus naked for a few minutes in the middle of the night.. It is apparent to everyone that running around campus naked, in the middle of the night, is not something our community can condone and must actively deter.”
There was something about this that tickled my funny bone and I discovered that Bill had the same reaction because he forwarded it to one of his friends, who remarked, “looks like the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree” (though to my knowledge, Bill has never streaked and neither has Molly). However, just to be certain, I immediately E-mailed our California daughter to make sure she had received the same message, and warned her that she was not to streak under any circumstances. (She replied that she had no intention of doing so).
Bill and I both grew up at a time when streaking mostly was considered harmless fun. It involved people getting their jollies and jiggling them in public — not my thing, but, hey, to each his own. However, in all seriousness, even though the
E-mail made me giggle, I did understand the gravity behind the message. In today’s world, when photos can be flashed (so to speak ) instantly around the world, the last thing you want is to be caught with your pants down in front of someone who is ready to record the moment with a cell phone camera.
There is a new word in today’s lexicon, and that is “sexting” — sending sexually suggestive pictures or messages to others by text on a cell phone. The E-mail from Molly’s school invokes the specter of harassment. It is a warning and reminder that in today’s Internet world, teens can get themselves into big trouble all too quickly:
“Harassment can take many different forms and we feel that a community that does not take steps to clearly communicate its stand against inappropriate behavior could create an atmosphere where peer pressure might result in a negative outcome. Furthermore, and no less important, today’s technology which includes digital cameras, video cameras, the Internet, cell phones, and YouTube puts any student exposing themselves at risk of being captured in a photo or on a video for everyone in the world who has a computer to see. In addition, students who take video or photos, or those who are captured on camera, could find themselves in a situation that involves sexual harassment.”
Consider the recent case of the 15-year-old girl from central Pennsylvania who now faces child pornography charges after police say she sent nude pictures of herself over the Internet to a 27-year-old man she met online.
Today’s technology is changing faster than we can make the rules, especially when it comes to our children. It means that we have to be vigilant, whether that means checking up on their Internet accounts, or communicating with them regularly to reinforce values and expectations.
“Eternal Vigilance is the Price of Liberty,” said Wendell Phillips, a 19th century abolitionist. The 21st century Suburban Mom corollary: “Eternal Vigilance is the Price of Our Children’s Safety.”
