Recently, my girlfriend sent me an email with the subject line, “Save the Date!”
My stomach dropped for a second. Did I miss something?
After all, I hadn’t seen this phrase attached to anything other than those wedding reminders—you know, the ones sent so far in advance it’s hard enough saving the notice, let alone the date?
With trepidation, I opened the email. A swirl of colors loaded onto my screen—tasteful shades of green and pink and brown and white—an invitation alright. But not for marital bliss. Just for frozen yogurt.
“Save The Date National Frozen Yogurt Day Feb. 2!” the message read, in large type. “Free yogurt and toppings offer is valid in commemorative cup February 2, 2015 from 4-7 p.m. only,” it read, in much smaller type, courtesy of Yogurtland’s corporate lawyers.
My first thought: who eats “fro-yo” now? There are plenty of other ways to get brain freeze in February. My second thought: I really, really want a commemorative National Frozen Yogurt Day 2015 cup.
And after all yogurt-related thoughts had completed their course through my mind, I wound up back to where I started, thinking National Frozen Yogurt Day sounded a bit forced. After all, what is National Frozen Yogurt Day, aside from an opportunity to thrust Yogurtland back into the consciousness of sun-starved customers with the lure of something summery, free and delicious?
I don’t want to be a miser here, because “free” and “delicious” are reasons enough to celebrate. But February already has a lot going on for such a short month. We start with the Super Bowl, and wind our way through Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras, the Chinese New Year and President’s Day. February is Black History Month. It’s American Heart Month. Do we really need anything else?
There’s no need to single out Yogurtland, though, because the listings at NationalDayCalendar.com reveal there are far more head-scratching observances than National Frozen Yogurt Day. February, as a whole, has been dubbed Canned Food Month, Creative Romance Month, Great American Pie Month and National Children’s Dental Health Month. A major conflict must be brewing in the produce section, with the cherry industry and the grapefruit industry both claiming February as its own.
And there’s no need to worry should you not find a month-long celebration to your liking. Celebrate something different every day, if you want. On Feb. 1, appreciate your favorite snake on National Serpent Day. On Feb. 3, drive your Chevy to the levy, and mourn with Don McLean on National the Day the Music Died Day. On Feb. 4, you have the choice between National Thank A Mailman Day or National Create A Vacuum Day. Or go nuts—celebrate both.
Feb. 5 is National Shower With a Friend Day, which must be really important since NationalDayCalendar.com had it set off with asterisks, like this—*National Shower With a Friend Day.*
On and on it goes. Feb. 7 is National Fettuccine Alfredo Day; Feb. 9, National Toothache Day; Feb. 11, National Make A Friend Day—presumably because you scared the old ones off when you tried to shower with them.
There’s the odoriferous mid-February duo of National Cabbage Day (Feb. 17) and National Crab-Stuffed Flounder Day (Feb. 18). Thank goodness the brain trusts got together and agreed to spread them out by a day.
Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14) is also National Ferris Wheel Day, which sounds awesome. I asked my girlfriend if we could celebrate National Ferris Wheel Day instead this year. She didn’t go for it.
“Girls need their day, too,” she said. “Plus, I’m afraid of heights.”
I agreed that she deserved a day just for her, so I looked it up—National Girlfriend Day is August 1, not Feb. 14. We’ll celebrate then, dear, if you don’t dump me before that for spending Valentine’s Day riding Ferris wheels.
And if she does, at least I’ll be able to ease my sorrow by spending some quality time with my dog Shay on Love Your Pet Day (Feb. 20) and National Dog Biscuit Day (Feb. 23).
After all that, I’ll probably need a nap. Fittingly, Feb. 28 is National Public Sleeping Day.
Just wake me when March 2 is here. It’s National Old Stuff Day, and I really don’t want to miss out.
Rob Anthes is editor of the Hamilton Post. Follow him on Twitter at @robanthes.
