Growing up in West Windsor, Kevin McQuarrie starred in all of the plays in school, began writing his own music in eighth grade, and played guitar and piano — even though he could not read music. “He could do anything,” says his sister, Meg. “He was a real Renaissance man.”
All the McQuarrie kids, in fact, went on to enjoy impressive careers, nurtured along the way by their mother, Carole, a registered nurse, and their father, Allen, who was involved with the New Jersey Education Association.
“We are a crazy, supportive and close-knit family,” says Meg, who graduated from West Windsor-Plainsboro High School, Class of 1989, and received her bachelor’s degree from the University of Rhode Island and a master’s degree in coastal geology from Duke University. She has worked in the nonprofit sector, in scientific research, and as a community college instructor. Their brother Doug was in the Class of 1981and is a retired Navy Seal.
Brother Chris graduated in 1986 — and when he was the lead in “Merrily We Roll Along” his father played his older version. Chris, who was also in “Once Upon a Mattress” and “Damn Yankees,” went on to Hollywood and received an Oscar for writing “The Usual Suspects,” a thriller directed by Bryan Singer, also a WW-P graduate. Chris lives in Los Angeles and is currently working on screenplays for “One Shot,” based on the book by Lee Child, and “Unforgiven,” an adaptation of a British mini-series.
Kevin was in the Class of 1983; and went to California to act after his years at Rutgers. Although the quest to act did not go far he landed a catering job at Robert Mondavi Wine Center, where he learned how to cook while managing the staff. He then studied massage therapy, holistic medicine, and reflexology. “Life was different for him; it was an adventure and he could turn anything into something good,” says Meg.
But then, in 2001, Kevin’s good fortune came to an abrupt halt with a diagnosis of testicular cancer. Although Kevin thought about refusing chemotherapy when diagnosed with cancer he asked his family, friends, doctors, and nurses to call the chemo his “elixir” and surrounded himself with amenities, including a DVD player, movies, CDs, a reclining chair, a personal blanket, and wall decorations. “He found these items relieved many of the physical and mental stresses associated with treatment,” says Meg.
Throughout all of his treatments, which included six rounds of chemotherapy, stem cell, gamma knife, and almost four months of radiation, Kevin led an active life and was rarely sick. His friends and family helped him make the most of his life during his two years of treatment. He died in 2003.
His family established the Elixir Fund, a nonprofit organization based in West Windsor dedicated to improving the comfort and care of cancer patients and caregivers. The idea of the Elixir Fund was born during Kevin’s treatment. “He was the idea guy, and he was the workhorse,” says his sister, Meg, the fund’s chief executive officer and chair of the board.
“He wanted to give something back by providing support and supplying comfort items to other cancer patients. When it became apparent that he was going to die we knew that we did not want a household of flowers, especially dying flowers. When we knew it was the time a friend helped me set up the bank account immediately,” she says.
The Elixir Fund is having a cocktail party and silent auction on Sunday, November 14, from 1 to 4 p.m. at Mercer Oaks Golf Club on Village Road in West Windsor. Tickets are $40.
The organization began in California where Meg had lived for 11 years. She was teaching full time at a community college when Elixir began to grow, and she moved back to New Jersey to work full time for the fund. “I knew that West Windsor was a very tight-knit community, and it would be easier to do Elixir from here,” she says. Now there are programs in both California and New Jersey.
Elixir has formed ties with the Cancer Institute of New Jersey; the radiation oncology department at Robert Wood Johnson, New Brunswick; and the Jersey Shore Medical Center in Neptune. They are also working with service-orientated businesses including Four Winds Yoga in Pennington, the Center for Relaxation in Plainsboro, and Onsen For All spa in Kingston. They are forming seminar series, support groups, and special offers of meditation, massage, and Reiki services.
One of the organization’s newest ties is with Madeleine’s Table, a chef-prepared meal service for individuals and families. “Chemotherapy changes food tastes, and choices become smaller and smaller,” says Meg. “It is important to have a choice and the service offers a new menu every week.” The microwavable meals are delivered in one or two week orders. (madeleinestable.com).
The fund helps people live a full life during treatment and not give up life to cancer. “Whatever the outcome there will be a new normal, and you are not getting back to your old life,” says Meg. “My brother’s experience gave us a heightened awareness of life, and we had a great time during his two years of treatments.
“My memories of my brother are happy. While it was devastating for a sibling to pass away, I grieved but the last two years are not clouded with my brother being sick. He gave us an amazing gift by referring to cancer as ‘the greatest gift in a really ugly wrapping.’ The whole experience changed him and changed all of us. You never lose someone until you stop talking about him. Kevin is still a huge presence in our lives.”
— Lynn Miller
Auction and Cocktail Party, Elixir Fund, Mercer Oaks, 725 Village Road, West Windsor, 800-494-9228. Sunday, November 14, 1 to 4 p.m.
