Peer pressure, whether we like it or not, is everywhere, in school, at work. How to respond to the pressure is a lifelong skill that can be best learned in adolescence.
Luckily, the pressure from outperforming children in WW-P can be a positive force that motivates my child to reach her full potential. Accelerated programs might be tough to get into. Trying itself makes her grow; even failing can have a positive spin. Dealing with failure and others’ success is sour at first but gainful in the end. Eventually she will know that there will always be spots where she cannot shine in; the way is not to cast a shadow over those spots but to strive to find her own. I hope she can handle the pressure with grace, but not submission or refusal.
After reading the 16-page report on the reform our school district is undergoing, I am puzzled by the solution to help kids with pressure. That is not to tailor disparate programs to fit needs at all levels, not to improve overall performance by fair competition, nor to leverage the opportunity to instill resilience. The solution instead is to cut the exams and advanced programs that could differentiate performance. To me, that is no better than tripping the ones in front when falling behind.
The report takes tremendous efforts to rationalize the reform by using “Whole Child.” In an attempt to make sense of that, I humbly resort to the meaning of the term.
Under the approach of Whole Child, “each student enters school healthy and learns about and practices a healthy lifestyle.” A healthy lifestyle depends on a healthy mindset. A healthy mindset depends on positive thinking. Positive thinking denies social comparison — a human tendency, source of stress, and “the thief of joy.”
As a mom, my whole heart goes out to children who suffer from social comparison and consequent negative emotions. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. It is unfair to compare one’s weakness to others’ strength. Our schools should provide children with support and counseling and help them build self-esteem, confidence, and mutual respect.
Bringing down everyone to equal mediocre status in hope of managing stress and peer pressure, not only does the school district fail to target the source of the problem, it sends an even more negative message to the children: they should blame others for their own feeling of inadequacy and they could bend the rules to prevent themselves from being surpassed. The action of the school district actually works against the purpose of “Whole Child.”
Under the approach of Whole Child, “each student learns in an environment that is physically and emotionally safe for students and adults; each student is actively engaged in learning and is connected to the school and broader community; each student has access to personalized learning and is supported by qualified, caring adults.”
Children hate peer pressure, yet enjoy creating it. Removal of positive pressure will leave room for negative pressure. We are proud of our blue ribbon school district for being a safe place for our children to grow because they are fully occupied by beneficial activities in study, sports, music, art and social work. It is natural that an individual is more passionate in one particular area. It is the children’s decision on how to balance their time and energy. All skills are important; and all children must be respectful and respected.
The school district, however, unfairly belittles children who possess passion for study, and unjustly stamps them with lacking social and communication skills. Nowhere in the Whole Child tenets is that stereotype implied. Nowhere in the Whole Child tenets is academic interest excluded. Passion for learning, on the contrary, is a crucial component of Whole Child.
Under the Whole Child approach, “each student is challenged academically and prepared for success in college or further study and for employment and participation in a global environment.” I once had a chance to work with a group of first-year campus hires in a local social event. I was glad to find quite a few youngsters from WW-P. They all landed a job with the top consulting firm right after college. Knowing my daughter was attending WW-P, they told me it was a great school district with a rigorous curriculum that really gave them a leg up after graduation.
A curriculum that prepares children for college and employment needs an objective grading system. No one can graduate from college without passing exams. Many fields and occupations require an exam for a license. For thousands of years, high-quality exams have been proven to be the most fair and objective method that keeps bias out of assessments. Subconsciously we all rely on exams. No one will use a doctor who fails the board or a lawyer who fails the bar, no matter how many people are willing to vouch for them.
Exams are also a powerful learning tool. The secret of success in exams is not memorization but organizing the knowledge, connecting the dots, seeing a bigger picture, and gaining deeper understanding. Midterm and final exams are more effective than frequent tests on the spot because knowledge points need to be connected. If exams are found misaligned with learning, it is the quality and scheduling of exams that should be improved and adjusted.
Nevertheless, the school district generally disparages exams and children who study for them. Therefore, midterm, final, and A&E tests are all eliminated. Instead, talents are spotted by observation, and GPA becomes subjective.
A football player can play before a game; a pianist can practice before an audition; but a student cannot study for an exam? I wrack my brain trying to make sense of the logic. Instead of nurturing diligence and perseverance, the school district casts negative views upon them. Hardworking children are labeled as having no aptitude. In fact, research has shown that no natural talent can stand out as an outlier in their fields without a “magic” number of hours of practice. It is perseverance and diligence that finally determines success.
When a patient is pushed into an operating room, when a traveler steps on a plane, their lives depend on diligent people working meticulously. Our society demands and functions on those qualities, but our school district discourages them, which, in every respect, works against the purpose of whole child.
In spite of all the efforts, I cannot remotely associate the changes we are dragged into with the idea of Whole Child. Then I cannot help but ask — what is the real reason behind the reform that has such profound impacts on our children, teachers, community, culture, and values?
I am trying to unleash the wave of emotions aroused by the 16-page report in front of me. Those are the emotions when someone sees the most valuable part of their home fall apart without warning. By writing down this, I hope, though feeling hopeless, my voice can be heard; the changes can be examined, deemed unjustified, and hence reversed.
J. Yao
Plainsboro
