Louis Rossi and Douglas Bauer stand together during their wedding ceremony, performed by Mayor James Kownacki in the municipal building Nov. 7, 2013. Rossi and Bauer were the first same-sex couple to be married in Lawrence Township. (Staff photo by Lexie Yearly.)
In a short ceremony Nov. 7, Douglas Bauer and Louis Rossi became the first same-sex couple to be married in Lawrence Township.
Mayor James Kownacki officiated the ceremony, with state assemblyman Reed Gusciora in attendance as a witness in addition to the couple’s friend. Gusciora has been a champion of gay rights and marriage equality in New Jersey, and in 2012 sponsored the Marriage Equality and Religious Exemption Act.
“We were surprised to find out we’re the first in Lawrence Township,” Rossi said. “It’s exciting to me.”
It wasn’t, however, Bauer’s and Rossi’s first marriage to each other. The pair, originally from Manhattan, had traveled from New Jersey back to their native city to be married the first time on March 27.
They had decided to get married again in New Jersey because of the unclear legal rights gay couples have when they are married out of state.
New Jersey was the 14th state to legalize same-sex marriage after a Superior Court judge ruled that the state’s constitution requires it be recognized. Marriages began shortly after midnight Oct. 21, when Gov. Chris Christie withdrew his appeal of the decision after the State Supreme Court unanimously decided not to grant his request to block same-sex marriages during the appeal.
The pair chuckled at the idea that they would now have two wedding anniversaries, but said the one date most important to them is the day they met: nearly 34 years ago on Memorial Day Weekend, at a bar in Greenwich Village.
Marriage had never been at the forefront of their plans, said Bauer, 71, and Rossi, 70. When Massachusetts became the first state to legalize gay marriage in 2004, the couple didn’t think much about rushing to have their relationship made official, despite the fact they even had a vacation home in Massachusetts at the time.
“We weren’t thinking along those lines until, as we got older, we started thinking in terms of estate planning and inheritance taxes,” Bauer said. “And then we realized what the debate was really all about, and how people who aren’t married in a partnership are really getting the short end of the stick, if they don’t get full marital rights.”
At the time New York legalized same-sex marriage in 2011, Bauer and Rossi were in the midst of selling their Manhattan apartment and moving to New Jersey. On March 27, they made a day trip to the city to say their nuptials, crammed in line between thousands of other couples waiting to do the same.
The ceremony here was a much different experience, Rossi said, because it was much more private and personal.
“I felt that Lawrence Township really rolled out the red carpet for us,” Bauer added.
Bauer had always wanted to move back to Princeton, ever since he spent four years as an undergraduate student at Princeton University and fell in love with the surrounding town.
They moved into their home in Foxcroft about two years ago, and found that the location on the Lawrence/Princeton border was the perfect fit.
About 15 years prior, Bauer and Rossi had purchased a home in Lawrence, but before moving in, decided they weren’t ready for that type of commute, as they both were still working in Manhattan. Their current home, Bauer said, is only a few doors down from that original home they purchased.
Part of the reason for the move was for Bauer to be able to stay active in Princeton University alumni affairs. But the couple had also been running out of room in their Manhattan penthouse apartment for Bauer’s rare book collection, which primarily features ancient Greek poetry, in particular from poet Pindar.
Bauer and Rossi said it’s encouraging to see how much things have changed over the years with the acceptance of same-sex couples.
Rossi recalled his years as a blue collar worker at a dispatching dock for a trucking company, a “macho” line of work that required him to stay closeted and hide who he was.
“But I never had any trouble,” Rossi said. “They accepted me as a straight bachelor.”
Bauer arrived in Princeton as an undergraduate student in 1960, a time when, he said, the town and university had been very conservative.
“I didn’t dare let anybody know what I was thinking,” Bauer said, “and it required me to build a wall around myself that insulated me in such a way that I missed out on a lot of social opportunities.”
It was a stark contrast when he went on to attend law school at Harvard, which was very liberal. Bauer went on to establish a career working as general counsel for Bowne & Co., finally retiring in 2001 when the company was acquired by a larger conglomerate.
The couple feels happy that they can be open with their family and friends now, and offered words of encouragement about the fight for acceptance for same-sex couples.
“It gets better,” Bauer said. “It’s been getting better so consistently, so fast, that it can’t go back now.”
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