Years later, I still remember the thrill of strapping on my shin guards. As I readied myself for soccer games, I couldn’t have been more proud to stand beside my teammates. Before I even kicked my first ball, I felt like a champion slipping on my green soccer shirt with the bold white number on the back. At eight years old, I swore life couldn’t get any better. I was a crucial part of something bigger than myself: I was a member of a TEAM.
Over the course of my first year playing, it was drilled into me that no one player was bigger or better than the team as a whole. I was passionate about playing defense because, after all, a team couldn’t survive without it. So I played my heart out as a defender, always with the knowledge that I was performing some essential act for the good of the group. We won some games and lost others, but I was always felt I was serving a vital role. I was defending my team.
Things seem different today. I hear war stories of young kids and their parents discussing “playing up,” which is when more “skilled” or “talented” younger players start playing with older kids. The problems with this are varied, starting with what I see as an inherently flawed definition of “skill” and “talent.” Current definitions are based on scoring statistics and the accurate execution of a particular physical feat.
But I wonder: Do we have it all wrong? Have we steered our children towards individual glory at the cost of the core concept of team? There are now age groups that can’t field a team because their peers are “playing up.” Many children are robbed of the opportunity to play at all because teams are filled with younger players. In addition, coaches and programs are concerned about their team being “flighted” higher, a leveling system to highlight the perceived ability of the team to win against same-age bracketed teams.
After speaking to one little girl about playing up, she remarked, at age 10, “It’s cool to play with older kids because I’m good, but I hardly get a chance to play.” Her mother added, “It’s clear the coaches want the more skilled girls playing up to practice with their elite players, but that they aren’t concerned about the younger girls building skills. My daughter is like a practice cone to those coaches. They just want to win.”
So what is the true definition of a “skilled” and “talented” player? To me, the terms refer to a player who has the heart of a champion. A player is only truly skilled if she is aware of her own skill level and motivated to persist at every practice to improve. Talent is when someone shows real respect for others: fellow players, coaches, referees, and spectators.
Rather than selfishly holding onto a ball for her own glory, a skilled player gives teammates the opportunity to succeed, supported by the team. A truly talented player knows that when a teammate totally screws up, it’s best to respond with encouragement, rather than highlight their fumble — even if it cost the game. These players understand on an intuitive level that a team is really only as strong as its weakest link — and that a “less skilled” link can only be strengthened by a supportive group of teammates, not by being ostracized.
Games today at times leave me disappointed and occasionally appalled. When I was growing up, I don’t remember parents needing to be given rules of conduct on the sidelines to ensure appropriate sport etiquette. I remember parents cheering on the team while at the same time telling their kids to solve their own disagreements with coaches and teammates in a respectful manner (or simply to suck it up).
I remember learning that while you may not like the ref’s call, you’re not in charge. It was simple: bad calls were a part of life, and life can be unfair. You didn’t see the dysfunctional enthusiasm of today, where sideline pseudo-referees insert their own calls and coddle their kids when they screw up. Kids were made to deal with adversity and grow stronger because of it, and like it or not, you respected authority and the rules that govern the sport. Nowadays I consistently see parents step in to fight their kids’ battles, creating an inflated sense of self-importance for these youngsters while at the same time crippling them from learning essential problem solving skills.
I hear of young kids with crushed egos, hopes, and dreams, their passion for the sport decimated because of playing up and the implied definition of skill and talent that goes along with it. Kids with the hearts of true team players are sidelined or dismissed by coaches because they don’t possess the “skills” the minute they walk onto the field. What a loss! As a coach, I think you honor your sport the most when you take that player with all heart but minimal skill and build her up to let her shine due to hard work and teamwork. Sports are supposed to be places to learn, to feel good, to see the value of hard work and commitment translated into actions for the benefit of all! When did our culture make that sharp turn into team sports ultimately becoming resume-builders, used solely to market our children to prospective colleges at ridiculously young ages?
We have allowed something almost sinister to happen: we, the adults — the coaches and parents, the mentors and role models — at some point became so focused on winning and our own children’s glory, that we destroyed the concept of team and some of the fun. When I was young, I remember being proud of playing any position my coach dictated because my team needed me. I wasn’t focused on whether that position meant it was unlikely I would add more numbers to my individual statistics. I was concerned about encouraging every teammate on the field so we, as a single unit, would prevail. The game was not about me; it was about US.
The art of being part of a team is important. Learning it is what creates not just amazing well-rounded athletes, but strong adults that will grow up and change our world. Do we really want to create children who selfishly take the ball all the way down the field and score every single time? Or do we want to cultivate players who know they are competent and choose to pass the ball, acknowledge the skills of others, and share the glory and the heartbreak of defeat?
I know what I want: I want to create a culture that supports players who stand shoulder to shoulder with their teammates in matching shirts, knowing they are better players and better people based on the company they keep on the field. I want players who shine and spread that light onto others around them. In short, I want to develop players who embody the art of the team both on and off the field.
I fear that our current system doesn’t support this type of culture for our developing children. I also hold fast to the idea that it doesn’t have to be this way and that while it may not always be the case, it occurs enough to question it. The idea of flighting and playing up were constructed by adults. They didn’t exist previously, and like anything else, they can be eliminated for the greater good. We — the adults — have the power to change the culture, to reinstate the values that were handed down to us.
My parents told me I would look back fondly on my days as a team player, and they were right. I do. I look back with tremendous appreciation of my parents, coaches, and fellow players. I realize now that I was given a gift: I was given a team. I want to give my children the same thing, and I want to feel good about the kinds of teams they are on. I know that it will take time and energy and attention and perhaps even sacrifice to do so.
It would also take teamwork. Which is, of course, fine with me, because I love being part of the art of a team.
Natoli is the mother of three kids, the past PTA president at Dutch Neck School, and a teacher at Saint David the King.
#b#WWPSA Coaches’ Views: John Tampellini#/b#
Competition is good, but the trick is finding the right level. For this reason it is great that there are different levels of play, so that the player can be with athletes similar to himself. In athletics, as in the schools, there are some kids who are legitimately gifted and talented, or just more developed at an early age.
There are others who have a way to go because they are either not naturally athletic, developing more slowly, or — as crazy as this sounds — have other interests. Frequently these kids love the game and the camaraderie that comes with a team sport, but can’t or won’t commit to the full blown travel commitment. There should be a place for all kids. It’s a shame if the gifted player is held back or quits because the level of competition is too low. More unfortunate is the kid who quits early because they got run over by an overzealous coach or team, when all they really needed was more time to develop.
I personally think a good way to judge a coach is by how many players come back to the sport the following year.
WWPSA has three levels of play — recreational, travel, and then academy-style. Recreational is for the less committed player who enjoys the weekend game but doesn’t want to devote his or her life to the one sport. Travel is for the more committed player who maybe plays two sports or has outside activities that interfere with a serious commitment to one endeavor. Finally the academy-style is a full blown commitment to a team where playing at a high level in tournaments and leagues is the primary objective and is expected to be the child’s primary activity.
There is a place for all kids, and that’s a huge improvement from how sports used to be. WWPSA is not perfect, but because of the size (22 travel teams, not to mention the recreation program), we have the luxury of being able to chop up the club into many levels of talent and commitment so all kids have an opportunity to play. Competition is good — as long as you can find the right level, especially at the grade school level.
Tampellini has served as head coach for several of his kids’ soccer teams in town.
#b#Bill Gardner#/b#
I think this is a very interesting and relevant topic. I actually agree that there is an increasingly competitive atmosphere in youth sports. Kids are specializing earlier, and therefore the competition is increasing from an early age. More and more programs are offering advanced or elite development, catering to either the kids’ or parents’ need to get better faster. In many ways, this same attitude is found in other activities as well, including music, education, karate, etc.
It seems our society pushes for the very best of everything. We seek the best schools, cultural activities, and also sports. If we are going to participate, it needs to push us to be better. We rarely seem to take time for ourselves and just enjoy the moment.
As a sports program, WWPSA focuses on player development at all levels. We are inclusive, offering a program for all levels of skill and competition, from pre-K to college. We focus on player and parent instruction, including soccer skills, tactics, teamwork, sportsmanship, and education. Soccer develops physical as well as social skills, requiring cooperation from kids and parents all working together. We do not focus on winning as a factor of success, rather improvement in both personal and team development.
However, there are many other programs that focus only on developing players to win at the highest levels of competition. Winning is a measure of their success and is the basis for attracting more participants. This fills the needs of a much smaller set of players at ages ranging from 8 to 18.
While the trend in sports may be becoming more competitive, we must not lose our focus on providing opportunities for all players at all levels. Educating our players and parents is the key to a successful player pathway between the competitive and less competitive landscape. WWPSA is aware of these challenges and strives to provide a balance of opportunities for all players.
Gardner is the volunteer head of the WWPSA travel team program.
