Jennifer Lopez as the calm in the center of chaos was the quintessential wedding planner in the movie of the same name. Now think of Dharmi Shah of Princeton, formerly of West Windsor, who takes that idea to a whole new level as the calm and creative energy behind Evenings of Elegance, an event and wedding planning firm.
Shah can coordinate the details of a 60th birthday party, a Sweet 16, or a one-year-old’s celebration and everything in between, as well as corporate events including holiday parties, summer barbecues, retirement parties, and meetings. But her specialty is weddings, especially weddings that involve different cultures and customs on top of all the variables that typically go into the big day — among them, flowers, food, and photographers, not to mention family.
“The United States is even more of a melting pot these days than ever before, and so many of my clients are mixed, where the bride and groom may be of different backgrounds and cultures,” says Shah. “It used to be more difficult for families to accept mixed weddings, but we are definitely seeing a shift in the families’ attitude, where they are becoming much more accepting of the cultural differences and finding a way to enjoy and embrace it. Being South Asian myself, I have a good idea of the culture, and I love the fact that I get to help brides and grooms have their wedding dreams come true.”
Shah is hosting Evenings of Elegance Exclusive South Asian Wedding Show, Sunday, March 18, from noon to 4 p.m. According to Shah, the event is designed to give the South Asian community in the central New Jersey area a new and exciting bridal show.
“We’re going to have an upscale casino-themed event, with a few tables for the guests to play at; of course they will not be gambling for money, but will have chances to win prizes,” says Shah. “Brides and grooms planning their big day will meet lots of vendors who cater to the South Asian community, including photographers, videographers, decorators, and florists. Typically we have many brides who were either born or raised in the United States and they want to have a modern flair for their wedding but still want to embrace their culture.”
Shah says that for her South Asian clientele she spends a great deal of time on perfecting every detail including the mandap (ceremonial stage) the bride and groom get married on, all the way to the florals for their bouquets and centerpieces, menus, and bridal wear.
“Of course this business is not as glamorous as many think, but it definitely is one that requires hard work and an endless amount of time and dedication,” says Shah. “Along with planning, designing, and coordinating weddings, we also work on bridal shows.”
She works carefully with couples to minimize the stress involved in planning a cross-cultural wedding. “I meet with the bride and groom first, to get an idea of what their vision is and how each of them wants to incorporate their cultures into the wedding.
“If the parents are involved in the decisions for the wedding, I then discuss the bride and groom’s vision with them, learn about the importance of their family traditions, and work with the bride and groom and parents to figure out how to best accomplish a successful event where everyone is happy and willing to compromise some aspects of what they want.”
She says for the most part her approach works well but sometimes the problems get tricky. “For example, a past bride and groom did not want to touch the feet (an Indian tradition, asking for blessings) of family members they do not necessarily respect. But for the parents this was very important regardless of how the bride and group felt about them, but mainly to show respect for the elders after the ceremony.
“I was able to discuss the meaning of this with the bride and groom, and they understood that it doesn’t have to mean much to them and they don’t have to take the meaning of it to heart, but it does mean something to the parents. There is no reason not to receive blessings from everyone, I told them, the more blessings the better.
“I have noticed that this particular tradition is one that many parents and children disagree on, I always say ‘it’s your wedding day, you only have to take to heart the things you want to, and the other stuff, just let it go, and enjoy your special day.’”
Hosting the bridal showcase at the Hyatt is something of a “back to the future” experience for Shah, who had her own wedding there in April, 2009, an event she planned herself. She has learned to expect the unexpected in her business and her wedding was a true example of living by this credo: on the eve of her wedding, her father suffered a mild stroke.
“We went to the hospital with the priest and did part of the ceremony there, where the father gives away the bride,” says Shah. “As much of a planner as I may be, it was one thing I could not control, and it changed my thoughts about perfectionism. The details are huge and extremely important, and the event has to be full of laughter, joy, and love, but you have to learn to deal with the unexpected, whether it’s something as big as a stroke or something like being given the wrong cake filling.”
Her father made a full recovery and continues to live in West Windsor with her mother. Her parents and sister all run their own businesses as well. Entrepreneurship runs in the family. “It’s genetic,” Shah laughs. Her husband, Sumit Sahdev, is from South Brunswick. They met in high school through a mutual friend, but they didn’t start dating until after college. After graduating from Cornell University, Sahdev went to Princeton University for his master’s in architecture and now works for Robert Hillier in Princeton, where the couple makes their home.
Shah was born in India and was only six months old when her parents decided to bring her and her older sister to the United States in search of a better life. The family settled first in Jersey City and then East Windsor, before moving to West Windsor where she started fourth grade at the Upper Elementary School, now known as Millstone River School. She attended Community Middle School and then graduated from West Windsor-Plainsboro High School South in 2001.
“My parents were fairly liberal, but we were raised with Indian values and traditions,” says Shah. “They were so good about trying to be flexible in both cultures; we were lucky in that sense.”
Shah attended the University of Maryland and majored in psychology, graduating in 2005. “There wasn’t a whole lot to do with a bachelor’s degree in psychology, and the advertising field seemed like a lot of fun, so I found a position in media planning in New York,” says Shah, who then migrated to working in advertising in Woodbridge, New Jersey.
“I was constantly attending parties in the industry and from there became interested in how they were being planned and executed, because we were being treated to such wonderful parties. I started taking classes in event planning and also began volunteering with other planners.”
Shah started planning events on her own, first with referrals from family and friends. She started her event planning company in 2006. But she didn’t believe in living life on just one track; she was earned a masters in mental health counseling from Capella University in 2010. She then did a one-year internship at Princeton House Behavioral Health.
Her education, knowledge, and experience in counseling are coming into good use as an event planner. “Planning is my passion, and since I have a background in counseling, it’s my way of still having the chance to work with people,” says Shah. “As a planner you end up ‘counseling’ families as well. Sometimes there are disagreements; they don’t always get along, and the kids may want something different from their parents.”
When she isn’t busy with her event planning business, she manages to carve out time to work three days a week at the Monroe Animal Hospital working alongside doctors and licensed technicians. She also volunteers at SAVE, the animal shelter in Princeton. Shah says establishing her business and nurturing it along the way has taught her huge life lessons about the importance of chasing your dreams and embracing everything that comes your way, good or bad, and going with the flow.
“It’s true of both business and life,” she says. “It’s truly such an honor to be selected to be someone’s wedding planner. They invite you into their life, their story, and their dreams.”
South Asian Bridal Show, Sunday, March 18, noon to 4 p.m., Hyatt Regency, 201 Carnegie Center, West Windsor. Presented by Evenings of Elegance, Dharmi Shah, owner. 609-273 1930 or www.eveningsofelegance.com
