Eileen Kennedy-Moore presents four area workshops for parents who are frazzled by the quibbles and tantrums of sibling rivalry with the first on Sunday, February 12, at 3 p.m. at Plainsboro Public Library. She is the author of “What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parents’ Attention Without Hitting Your Sister” and “Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends.” Books will be available for purchase.##M:[more]##
“If you have two or more children, they’re going to squabble,” says Kennedy-Moore, a Cranbury resident who is a psychologist and mother of four lively children. “They have different interests, different personalities, different styles of interacting, so some amount of friction is unavoidable.”
The family moved from Westfield in August due to her husband’s work as a business and technology strategist. Their daughters are 4, 7, and 13; and their son is 10.
She suggests that the first step in preventing problems is to give kids space for their bodies — and for their things. Anticipate problems with humor, distraction, or a change of scenery. It is important to emphasize positive attention. Kennedy-Moore made her four-year-old a booklet with simple pictures of easy things for him to do to get position attention. The booklet became a hardcover picture book, “What About Me?”
“Prevention strategies can help minimize sibling squabbles; they’ll never eliminate them,” she says. “As parents, we have three main options for responding to our kids’ conflicts — we can intervene, we can stay out of it, or we can teach new skills.” Kennedy-Moore will talk about all three because different situations call for different responses.
Her suggestions include swift intervention to stop physical hurting or real cruelty, staying out of minor squabbles, and teaching interpersonal skills, including empathy, problem-solving, and coping with teasing.
Understanding family dynamics is a key to understanding sibling squabbles. “It involves looking for patterns in how family members typically interact,” she says. “You’ll want to think about family dynamics in two contexts: in the family where you grew up, and with your children, now.”
“Our own experiences growing up influence how we react to our children,” she says. “Thinking about family dynamics can help us be more aware of our automatic reactions, our special sensitivities, or our blind spots.”
Kennedy-Moore reminds parents to take care of themselves. “Emotions are contagious, so if you are feeling irritable, exhausted, tense, or overwhelmed, your kids are going to pick up on that and react to it and magnify it.”
Born in Chicago, Illinois, she also lived in Lima, Peru, and Madrid, Spain. The oldest of three children, her sister is 18 months younger, and her brother is five years younger. She received her undergraduate degree from Northwestern University and her doctorate from Stony Brook University.
Helping Siblings Get Along, Plainsboro Public Library, 641 Plainsboro Road, 609-275-2897. www.lmxac.org/Plainsboro. For more information visit www.eileenkennedymoore.com. Sunday, February 12, 3 p.m.
Beyond Busyness: Finding Balance in Today’s Hectic, Time-Pressured World, Cranbury Public Library, 23 North Main Street, Cranbury, 609-655-0555, www.cranburypubliclibrary.org. Friday, February 17, 7:30 p.m.
What About Me? 12 Ways to Get Your Parents Attention Without Hitting Your Sister, Barnes and Noble, MarketFair, West Windsor, 609-897-9250, www.barnesandnoble.com. Saturday, February 28, 11 a.m.
Helping Siblings Get Along, West Windsor MOMS Club, West Windsor Library, 333 North Post Road, West Windsor, 609-799-0462, www.mcl.org. Monday, February 27, 9:30 a.m.
