After the Sh*t Mom Says video, it was inevitable that the Sh*t Dad Says video would follow, and it did, just in time for Father’s Day. Given Molly’s theatrical skills and uncanny sense of mimicry, it was natural that her siblings selected her to play Dad, complete in sartorial splendor dressed for the office for some scenes, others with head wrapped in weekend bike warrior bandana and Under Armor workout wear.
I’ve had more than 22 years to become accustomed to Bill’s quirks; the kids managed to capture the highlights in just about the funniest three minutes I’ve ever seen. Where to begin? There’s his penchant for poaching on other people’s food. “Hey, Will, you gonna finish that?” “Hey, Molly, you gonna eat the rest of that?” “I’ll just have a little taste, just a wee bite.”
And then there are his funny declarations, more like the stuff that comes out of the Sh*t Girls say series than a father of three — “That yogurt is so filling”, “I’ll have a skinny decaf soy milk latte with two Splenda.” Poor Bill. His kids poke fun at him in a video. And now I add fuel to the fire by putting his quirks out for public view. But he knows that is it purely out of love and, yes, entertainment. One of life’s greatest skills is having the ability to laugh at yourself, and believe me, there is plenty of material here for both of us.
Some of my Facebook friends had a caption contest for a photo of a new bride, resplendent in a flowing white gown engaged in an animated discussion on a cell phone. One of the best in my book was “I just found out he doesn’t have a trust fund. Now what do I do.” But my favorite was, “Isn’t it wonderful that I’ve found the one person I can annoy for the rest of my life?” I think I liked it so much because it rings of great truth. I can be sweet and loving but mean, even nasty sometimes, yes, I’ll admit it. And I will also admit, again, in a public forum, that sometimes I really don’t know how Bill puts up with me; often, I don’t deserve him.
I saw his diplomacy in action very close up recently, and I understood not only why he’s survived two-plus decades of marriage with a scary woman, but how he has remained successful in the corporate world where big egos, big mouths, and big issues meet in a perfect storm of challenge and stress. It means understanding that while you may be right, you will be wrong unless you can make the other guy accept and see things your way. That means putting aside your own ego and being big enough to see the larger picture. It’s not just in the workplace but as I said, in the home.
This is also true when it comes to kids coming home from college with one set of expectations and timetables, and the family with yet another set of expectations and rhythms established while they are gone. It’s hard to tell a 21-year-old to stay in touch and meet curfews when they have had unleashed freedom to do whatever they want whenever they want. But when the college kid pseudo-adult comes home, they become your child all over again, and as long as you are paying for room and board, you get to set the rules.
There are also expectations around family dinners and schedules that often go haywire. I’m used to operating in a house of chaos where, during the sports season du jour, dinner is caught on the fly and we are lucky if we sit down together once a week. Sad but a reality when the hubby is also commuting home from New York. Add two more variables to the family equation-not just one but two girls home for the summer- and the calculus is infinitely more complicated.
As for fighting, I am happy to report that so far, there is actually very little going on in our household, but then, the summer is still very young. I’d like to think that the older two have grown up to be infinitely more wise and recognize exactly just how wise I have been all along. After all, they have had much more opportunity to change than I have over these last few years-light years of change at a time. I guess I am feeling my age. How can you not, when the little girls you used to drive to dance in the carpool are now working in New York, taking care of patients at the new hospital, and flying off to remote areas of the world.
I’d be less than honest if I didn’t share that child-rearing comes with some tedious moments when you wonder when it will be over-when they are crying endlessly with colic, when they want to chain-watch Barney, when they have to play Pretty Pretty Princess yet again. And yet, all too soon, those days are over and done and part of family history and you wish you could turn back the clock. However, when the kids are done with school and no longer still home for you to annoy and vice versa, for most of us there is at least one constant who will be there –– so words to the wise — be careful who you marry. They’ll try to annoy you for the rest of your life and then let the kids produce a video about it. If you’re lucky, they won’t put it on YouTube. Just be prepared to pay.
