While the Internet has opened up a wonderful new world of information for most people, for parents, it has also opened up a Pandora’s box of concerns about their children and what they are learning about sex in cyberspace.
To help parents navigate the topic of Internet use and young people, HiTOPS, a non-profit organization founded in 1988 to promote sexual health and responsible decision-making in teens, has invited noted sexuality educator Judith Steinhart to be the guest presenter at its Parent Program meeting on Wednesday, January 5, 7:30 to 9 p.m., at its offices on Wiggins Street in Princeton. Her talk is titled “Take a Deep Breath : How to Talk with Your Kids about Sex and the Internet.”
“Teenagers in our area very curious about sex and surprisingly not very sophisticated. They’re not getting a lot of good information. They’re not sure where to go to ask questions,” says Elizabeth M. Casparian, Ph D., the director of educational programs at HiTOPS. “They are thrilled when they can find an adult they trust who will give them information without judgment.” Casparian says teens sometimes feel that if they turn to their parents for information about sex they might get it but it will come attached with criticism and punishment. “They need good information. When they see pornography they may not understand that they are often getting misinformation, and that’s where the Internet makes our jobs as parents and educators more difficult. We have to do double-time work.
As the parent of three children in the ninth, seventh, and third grades in the Princeton schools, Casparian says she is a firm believer that kids have to be exposed to good information, and it is up to parents to help them understand what is good and what is bad. “Parents need to give their children filters to help them censor these things. They need to make them critical consumers of all media.”
Prior to coming to HiTOPS, Casparian managed the Ask the Experts section of the Sex, Etc web site, based at Rutgers University, where she supervised a panel of experts who answered sexual health questions from teens worldwide. The site, designed for teenagers 13 to 19, also features articles written by and for teens. A national newsletter associated with the site that goes out to students at 7500 schools throughout the country including West Windsor Plainsboro High Schools North and South as well as Princeton High School.
Through her work in the development of sexual health education curricula and lecturing that Casparian met Judith Steinhart, senior health educator at Columbia University. Steinhart graduated from SUNY Albany where she majored in English. After collegeshe started volunteering for Planned Parenthood, an activity she says changed her life. She also earned a masters with a health concentration at SUNY Stonybrook. A course in human sexuality there also profoundly affected the course of her life; she would follow up her studies there by going to San Francisco for postgraduate work at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.
Casparian says she chose Steinhart to come give this lecture because she “has been dealing with all subjects related to health through her work at Go Ask Alice!, Columbia University’s health web site. Moreover, as the mother of two teenagers herself she is used to working with parents and is very much in tune with what they are thinking about and worried about.”
Steinhart offers these tips for parents seeking information about their children and sex on the Internet:
What do you do if you see that a child is looking for sexual images, such as porn, on the Internet?
Think of this as a teachable moment, a chance to convey your family’s values. You can say, “The problem with this is that people get unrealistic ideas of what people look like. Real women are attractive and do not have to be perfect, men do not all have washboard stomachs. In our family, we don’t want to see people as objects; we want to see them as people, as human beings.
Do you recommend a filter for the family’s or the child’s computer?
The disadvantage that I see is that if a computer has a filter, it cannot discriminate. For example, if a computer has a filter, and you type in “breast cancer,” to get information or to do research, the filter will see breast and will not allow you or your child to access useful information.
How do I evaluate what is responsible sexuality information and what is not?
Good sex information usually comes from web sites that are linked to health agencies or universities. The HiTOPS website (www.hitops.org) has several links to valuable and factual information for parents and kids.
How do I protect my child?
Some people monitor their children’s Internet use by keeping the computer in a public space in the home and not allowing children to have a computer in their bedroom where they can have privacy. Giving teens the ability to find good information on their own is more powerful than banning them from computer use. Letting them know what is an is not appropriate and taking the time to visit web sites and recommend them to young people is helpful in continuing to get messages about your family values across to your children.
How much do I limit the access to the Internet?
Time limits on the Internet are fine. You don’t want them on the Net at the expense of seeing and spending time with friends, going to school and going out to sports, movies, school activities, and religious celebrations. It is useful to take some time to think about how you feel about these issues, to identify your fears and concerns and think about the different ways you can manage them. Families can make choices and set limits, and they need to have confidence in those choices and limits.
– Euna Kwon Brossman
“Take a Deep Breath: How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex and the Internet,” Wednesday, January 5, 7:30 to 9 p.m., HiTOPS, 21 Wiggins Street, Princeton. Register by calling 683-5155, extension 34.
