Bill and I celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary this week on an historic day for the state in which we live: on Monday, New Jersey became the 14th state to recognize same sex marriage as legal and — seeing the writing on the wall — Governor Chris Christie made one of the wisest moves of his incumbency and withdrew his plan to challenge it.
Gay marriage is the law of the land in the beautiful Garden State and now, instead of wasting time and political energy legislating love among consenting adults, our state leaders can turn their attention to the issues that really do need wise leadership — better schools, jobs and affordable healthcare for all — just to name a few of the myriad issues pressing our state and nation.
Government, whether federal or state, has had a terrible track record on issues involving the heart, which is gender-blind as well as color-blind. Until they were struck down in 1967 as unconstitutional, anti-miscegenation laws banning interracial marriage were still legal and enforceable in 16 U.S. states.
While those laws were born long ago and perpetuated in the days of post-slavery racism and fear that mixed unions would produce interracial children (oh, my, Katie, Molly, and Will, so sorry but at some point in our country’s history, you would have been illegal!) technically, in states where those laws were still in place, Bill and I could not have been married. Thank goodness matrimony between a Caucasian and Asian — one very tall and one very short — was recognized in California in 1989.
I’m being facetious here, intentionally. My hope is that some day, laws prohibiting same-sex marriage in the other 36 states that currently prohibit such unions will be seen as just as dated and irrelevant as the anti-miscegenation laws once were and stricken down.
One of my favorite people in the world is Joe Riordan, a photojournalist I frequently worked with when I reported at KRON, the NBC affiliate in San Francisco, before our move back east.
Talented, generous, and funny, the fact that he was gay only added more dimension and depth to his character. He and his partner, Justin, talked about adopting a child to complete their family, and on a visit to San Francisco back in 2005, I had the joy of meeting adorable baby Dooley and knowing that Joe and Justin had made their dream come true.
My kids were with me on that trip and were enchanted by the baby, even while I could see the wheels turning in their heads while they processed the idea that he would be raised by two dads. Though they were growing up in a traditional nuclear family, I wanted them to embrace the life lesson that the world was very different, that people and families could not and should not be forced into the same kind of frame, that diversity and the whole-hearted acceptance of that diversity made everyone richer.
Today Dooley, Joe, and Justin live in Oregon, and I keep up with their lives through Facebook. Dooley, who happens to be African-American, is growing up to be one of the most precocious, confident, and happy kids you could wish to meet, though I wish they lived closer so we could see all of them more often.
Recently Joe shared a piece of Dooley’s writing on Facebook that he thought summed up his son’s personality perfectly. It’s the kind of thing that went viral internally — among our Facebook crowd — but I think it should go viral in the larger world. Here it is, transcribed from Dooley’s scribbled notebook paper:
“My name is Dooley. I love to play video games. Maple butter is my favorite food. I have two white dads. I love to write. ‘Hi’ is my favorite word. The funniest thing I’ve ever heard is ‘It mio no you’. Hi if you sneezed while reading this bless you, Bless your face. Peace out. I’m awesome.”
Dooley loves video games. Check. He loves to write. Awesome. But what I love best about this essay is that sandwiched matter-of-factly in the observances of a small elementary school boy is that fact that Dooley has two white dads. Not a big deal to him. Why should it be to anyone else?
The only thing that is strange to me about this autobiography is that the child’s favorite food is maple butter. Really? I didn’t even know that existed. (One of Joe’s Facebook friends exclaimed, “Maple butter??? What else are you feeding that kid, Joe?”) Also, the funniest phrase Dooley’s referring to is something a small neighbor child said to him. While it doesn’t make sense to most of us, it apparently tickled Dooley’s funny bone.
The sign-out is my other favorite part of the essay. “Bless your face, peace out, and I’m awesome” speaks to Dooley’s love for the world and its people and his awareness of his place in it. It makes me proud to know the people who are raising this amazing young man. Every child should have such loving parents in their lives — regardless of race or gender — because the heart cannot see when it comes to such matters.
