By Steve Mayer
There is an old study out of Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse-Columbia suggesting that teens who eat dinner regularly with their parents are much less at risk for substance use and risky teen behavior. It’s not about the food; it is about the accountability that develops when we build real relationships.
As we start another school year, following are a few tips for engaging our kids in healthy dialogue which can lead to lots of opportunity for healthy growth:
Eat meals together. In an overscheduled world, finding time to sit at the kitchen table to break bread as a family is often tough to do, but very worth the effort. Even if meal times vary or are relatively brief, there is proven value in making time to eat together. If your house is anything like mine, time at the dinner table swings from hysterical to maddening. Some days the mood is light and playful while others it is dark and argumentative. Regardless, the sustained interaction opens conversation that may not otherwise take place and the effort is well worth the highs and lows. While eating, it is good to ask open-ended questions. Instead of asking, “What did you do in school today?” and getting the typical answer of “Nothing!” ask something like, “Tell about the best thing that happened today.” Or maybe the worst thing. No matter the topic, ask questions that require more than a one word answer, because by doing so we begin to share and intertwine our lives in healthy ways.
Play games in the car. We all know it is much easier to flip on the DVD player or plug in the head phones, but playing word games or license plate poker while on the road can build rapport and connection. We are almost always wired into some sort of media. Even our youngest kids play on iPads and iPhones, which can be fine, but electronics will never substitute for human interaction. Sing goofy songs, make up games that make everyone feel and act a bit foolish and mix in a little healthy competition on car rides. The long-term benefits are good.
Spend time outside. Richard Louv’s 2005 book entitled “The Last Child in the Woods” is worth reading. The text suggests that too much of our kids’ lives are spent indoors. The woods and even our backyards have things to teach. There are lessons in playing make believe games with sticks and in gardening and in hiking a trail. The benefits of being outside grow exponentially when parents and kids hike and play together. Why not leave the phones and iPods behind and take a walk in the woods to explore plants, bugs and animals you may have never noticed before? The air, the scenery and the time spent together will not disappoint.
Obviously no short article like this has all the answers for helping develop healthy kids and healthy family dynamics, but it does suggest that research supports frequent human interactions. Our kids have things to say and things to learn. Why not provide as many opportunities as we can to help them develop their voice? None of these things cost money, they simply demand time and purpose. I love technology and have a hard time imagining my life without my smartphone. However, most of our best family moments occur when we are unplugged from electronics and plugged into each other.
Wishing you and your family and healthy school year!
Steve Mayer is superintendent of Robbinsville Schools.
