Dave Allikas has two upcoming concerts featuring his comedy songs from his latest CD, “Songs You Wish You’d Written.” He will be at Mug & Muffin in Bordentown on Saturday, November 21, at 8 p.m.; and It’s a Grind Coffee House in Plainsboro on Saturday, November 28, at 8 p.m. Both performances are free.
Allikas, an updated version of Allen Sherman from the 1960s, lives on Petty Road — on the border of Plainsboro and Cranbury. “We feel like we hold a dual citizenship because we’re so close,” says Allikas. “I take my dog for a walk and suddenly I’m in Plainsboro. Plus that’s where we do most of our shopping since there’s nothing in Cranbury. My idea of the perfect place to live around here would be in the new town center, where you can walk out your front door to find lots of people around, and walk to the library, the stores, and the park.”
Allikas was born and raised in Howard Beach, Queens, also one-time homes of John Gotti, Woody and Arlo Guthrie, Vitas Gerulaitis, and Jay Black (of Jay Black and the Americans). John Lester, ringleader of the 1986 murder on the Belt Parkway, was the family paperboy.
Allikas always loved music, and his sister, who is nine years older, exposed her kid brother to doo-wop, pop, and rock. “My fondest memories, though, are of the occasional novelty songs that would crack the Top 40 — “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport” and “I’m Henry VIII, I Am,” are two that come to mind,” he says. “I’ve always been a super-nostalgic person so naturally my fondest wish was always to write funny songs like the ones from my childhood.”
Music lessons include the upright bass in high school, a few lessons on the guitar, and many more on the banjo, “which has always been my favorite though I haven’t incorporated it into my act yet.”
He began writing poems and parodies when he was young and wrote a parody of “Casey at the Bat” for his high school yearbook. In the early 1980s he wrote parodies for several humor magazines including Sick, Marvel Comics’ Crazy, and Muppet Magazine. He has also written for Mad Magazine.
He graduated from Columbia University with a bachelor’s degree in English, Class of 1977, and from New York University with an master’s in English in 1978. Allikas is an editorial packager, a publishing subcontractor. He provides publishers with complete newsletters or magazines, or any portion thereof, including writing, design, or layout.
His wife of 21 years, Sue, is a neonatal nurse practitioner. “Much funnier than I will ever be, at least off the cuff,” says Allikas. “She’s inadvertently given me some great song titles.”
Their daughter, Corey, 14, and son, Wally, 13, are mentioned at the beginning of “Can I Help?” — a song about kids asking to help with chores around the house — but really just getting in the way. “I’ve worked from home for more than 15 years, so I lived that song,” says Allikas.
The family moved to Cranbury in 2000. “As much as I love New York, where I lived for over 40 years, I think we knew we had to leave the day someone stole our kiddy pool from our backyard,” says Allikas. “Someone actually walked into our yard in broad daylight, emptied the pool, and walked out with it. A six-foot wide plastic pool — a pool worth all of $20 new.”
“We admired the Princeton-Plainsboro area from visiting friends here for many years and thought it would be a great place to raise a family, especially because of its excellent schools,” says Allikas. “That being said — I still miss New York.”
Their pet beagle, Buddy, 5, did not really inspire “God and Dog,” which is actually a song about God, not dog. But he did inspire this parody of the Oak Ridge Boys’ “Thank God for Kids,” excerpted below:
If it weren’t for dogs did you ever think
No one would really make a stink
If you fell into the drink
Thank God for dogs
And when your wife and your kid are pissed
About the T-ball game you missed
You’re still first on his list Thank God for dogs.
Thank God for dogs, there’s someone with a clue
That you’ve come home from work, and when you do
He’ll attack you at the door; the one soul who
Had even noticed that you’d left, it’s true
Fido, want to take a walk?
Or a six-hour car ride?
He won’t squawk
He never complains; he can’t talk.
Thank God for dogs.
Thank God for dogs, one friend will never care
If you’re a pauper or a zillionaire
If you blow your top, your bond’s no worse for wear;
Just let him hear that leash and he’s right there.
“Magnet for Success” was inspired by people he has met in the area — many of whom are kind enough to share their salaries and job descriptions within five minutes of meeting people. Allikas believes it is not a Central Jersey phenomena. His song, “Everyone Out of the Gene Pool,” talks about unbearable people everywhere.
“I usually look for a real-life situation that’s begging to be exploited for laughs,” he says. “If I get an idea that doesn’t have at least one toe in reality, I probably won’t write it. I don’t like songs that are just pure goofiness, which is what usually passes for a comedy song today.”
When Allikas talks about getting ideas for his songs while at church he means Queenship of Mary. “What I said on the CD about getting lots of ideas in church is absolutely true,” he says. “My wife gets mad when I start scribbling in my notebook, but hey, if my antenna goes up, I’m not going to push it down. I just hope our parish priest doesn’t read this; he probably thinks I’ve been taking notes on his sermons all this time.”
Mug & Muffin, 210 Farnsworth Avenue, Bordentown. Saturday, November 21, 8 to 10 p.m., 609-372-4081. Free.
It’s a Grind Coffee House, 7 Schalks Crossing Road, Plainsboro. Saturday, November 28, 8 to 10 p.m., 609-275-2919. www.itsagrind.com. Free.
