This winter, I have had little to no desire to venture outside unless I was going to work, due to the extreme weather we have been experiencing. So I have been caving it. As a result, I have watched more TV than I ever have in my life.
It was either watch TV or clean the house. Clear choice, in my book. With all this TV watching I’ve been doing, I have noticed that commercials are getting more and more annoying.
There are several commercial characters I would like to see vanish right quick. Jan from Toyota, that stupid green Geico lizard, that little red-haired kid whose dad works for Horizon, the Cure Auto Insurance blue smiley face, the daughter who shouts at her mother in the middle of the produce aisle about not going to college, and any spokesperson for a car dealership, to name a few. I like Flo from Progressive, so she can stay.
Plus, some of these commercials share wayyy too much information, in my opinion.
You know the ones I mean. It’s embarrassing to be sitting in the living room watching TV with my dad and one of those commercials comes on.
I do not want to know about your physical relationship problems, nor do I want to see you and your partner sitting in bathtubs on a cliff. No, thanks. Keep that little problem between you and your partner, please.
And the commercials for medications? It feels like every 5 minutes there’s a commercial for medication. I do not remember ever seeing medication commercials when I was growing up. Over the counter stuff, maybe. They go into great detail, too, warning us of potential side effects. Example:
“Stop taking UselessandExpensiveDrug if, after taking the recommended dosage, you feel the need to break out into an Ethel Merman song during staff meetings at work. If you begin seeing large purple insects crawling up your walls, discontinue usage until an exterminator can be called. If the song ‘Rocky Mountain High’ by John Denver or anything by the Bangles loops in your mind for more than 3 weeks, then please stop taking this medication. If you are suddenly struck by the urge to lope around on all fours while neighing, then contact your healthcare professional immediately.”
There’s one that cracks me up. I’m not going to mention the name of the drug, but it’s for people who want thicker eyelashes. A doctor actually has to prescribe this for you. Think about this for a minute. You call your doctor to make an appointment and the receptionist asks why you need the appointment.
Do you say, “It’s a real emergency. I have thin eyelashes?” By the way, this drug cost over $100 for one bottle. I think I’ll stick to my $6.99 tube of Maybelline mascara, thanks.
But my favorite thing about the drug commercials is the list of things that can go wrong if you take the medication.
“This medication can cause dry mouth, dry eyes, hair loss, stomach problems, digestive problems, bruising and bleeding, rapid heartbeat, sweating, headaches, tooth decay, muscle cramping, numbness in extremities, sensitivity to cold weather, diminished ability to avoid starting fistfights, ingrown toenails, desire to live in a house made of Legos, joint aches, freckling, frequent urge to make rude hand gestures at fellow drivers, neck pain, foot odor, sudden impulse to learn how to samba, expanding waistline, inability to focus on boring stuff, and intolerance of everyone.
“Do not take this medication if you have ever had detention, colored your hair, got a parking ticket, prefer bold colors to pastels, made chili, driven more than 5 miles over the speed limit, gone to the beach, spend more than you should have on a dress for a wedding, had evil thoughts about your partner, wished upon a star, mowed the lawn, or burped.”
I guess they have to cover every angle in these days of lawsuits, but still. What happened to the feel-good commercials, the ones with the catchy jingles?
No matter what the commercials are like or how annoying they can be, watching them is way better than cleaning the house.
Ilene Black has been a resident of Ewing for most of her life and lives across the street from her childhood home. She and her husband, George, have two sons, Georgie, 32, and Donnie, 28. A licensed soccer coach, Black was head of the boys’ travel soccer program in Ewing for many years and ran the township’s annual Labor Day Soccer Tournament for several years. She is the creator and moderator of a Facebook group called, “You Know You’re a Ewingite When…,” which has more than 1,000 members.
