My dear friend and colleague Cathie is retiring at the end of the month. We have worked closely together for 17 years and have become closer than sisters.
To give you an idea of what we are like together, here’s a fun fact: my husband George calls us “Lucy and Ethel.” (For those younger people who don’t know who Lucy and Ethel are, Google it. I’m too old to explain it.)
My youngest son Donnie is the producer of the morning radio show at 95.7 BEN FM in Philly. So what does that have to do with Cathie retiring? Keep reading.
Marilyn Russell, the host of the morning radio show that Donnie produces, does a segment called “Woman of the Week,” which features women from the Philly area who are involved in charities, non-profits, business, media, you name it. Every year, BEN FM hosts a huge Woman of the Week luncheon and the movers and shakers of the Philly area are in attendance. This year, the keynote speaker was Katie Couric (for anyone who doesn’t know who Katie Couric is, hit up Google).
When I heard that Katie was going to be there, I asked Donnie to get me two tickets to the luncheon. You see, my dear friend Cathie idolizes Katie Couric and has for years and years. So I thought that this was the perfect way to spend time with Cathie before she retires and also to see her idol. Plus Cathie loves all that girly stuff: luncheons, showers, girly-girl stuff.
I am not good at ladylike things. I do not like wearing dresses. If you wear dresses, you have to wear stockings. I do not LIKE to wear stockings. And when you wear stockings, you have to wear grown-up lady shoes. I do not LIKE to wear grown-up lady shoes.
So it took me a good month to decide what I was going to wear to this event. I had to look professional, ladylike and classy, three things that I am allergic to. Plus I didn’t want to embarrass my son by showing up to his work event looking like a schlump. (Don’t know what schlump is? Google it, for crying out loud.)
Cathie has absolutely no trouble dressing like a grown-up lady, complete with shoes and matching bag. (I’d be happy slinging a plastic Shop-Rite bag filled with my stuff over my shoulder). I ordered a beige suit online that I thought would be comfortable and look classic. Not so much. I looked like a forest ranger minus the Mountie-type hat and stun-gun.
The dilemma continued. I ordered two shirts (online). One of them ended up too darn low-cut, and the other was a shade of yellow that could be seen from space.
I ended up buying a blouse that wasn’t too terrible looking. I wore black capris and nice jewelry. I was planning to wear low-heeled grown-up lady shoes but for some unknown reason, my right foot decided to swell up like a balloon the day before the luncheon. So I wore flat sandals.
The day dawned. It was 80 degrees. Not good news for me. My head sweats (Yes, my head. I’m a head-sweater. Google it). So in 80 degree weather, my hair gets wet. My makeup runs. It is impossible for me to look polished and classic in 80 degree heat.
So there we are, at the luncheon, surrounded by 400 very classy and professional-looking women in suits that do not look forest rangerish. Cathie fit right in, looking professional and feminine and ladylike, and then there was me, the schlumpy mess with a swollen foot and wet hair.
The luncheon was amazing. Marilyn was amazing. Katie Couric was amazing. And the best part of the whole day was that Katie Couric, on her way out, stopped and talked to Cathie! She touched her arm and said, “Thank you so much for coming.” What a perfect retirement gift!
Several lessons to be learned here:
Don’t order beige suits online.
Don’t try and get dressed up when it’s over 70 degrees.
Take Cathie wherever a celebrity will be. She attracts them.
Google is awesome.
Ilene Black has been a resident of Ewing for most of her life and lives across the street from her childhood home. She and her husband, George, have two sons, Georgie, 32, and Donnie, 28. A licensed soccer coach, Black was head of the boys’ travel soccer program in Ewing for many years and ran the township’s annual Labor Day Soccer Tournament for several years. She is the creator and moderator of a Facebook group called, “You Know You’re a Ewingite When…,” which has more than 1,000 members.
