The dreaded words, “You march yourself down to the principal’s office, young man,” will no longer be used at the Waldorf School of Princeton. The Social Inclusion Approach has been adopted by the school to overcome bullying, teasing, and other forms of anti-social behavior — both in the classroom and at home. Last year, Kim John Payne, founder of the Social Inclusion Approach, worked with parents and teachers to study conflict resolution skills. Plans are underway to provide skills workshops to support parents in problem solving in their class parent meetings.
Payne presents “The Soul of Discipline,” at the Waldorf School on Tuesday, March 16, at 7 p.m. The talk, open to the public, will take place in the grade school building on the main campus, 1062 Cherry Hill Road, Princeton. For information, call 609-466-1970 ext. 26 or E-mail: development@princetonwaldorf.org. A suggested donation of $7 is payable at the door.
Payne, working together with lecture participants, will explore discipline styles of the past and present and creating creative compliance. A native of Australia, he has worked as a counselor, adult educator, and consultant for 18 years. He is a professor at Lesley University’s Peaceable Schools and mediation graduate program and a clinical supervisor and adjunct faculty member at Antioch New England Graduate School’s education and applied psychology departments. Author of “The Games Children Play,” his new book, “Toxic Stress in the Lives of Our Children,” is soon to be published.
In his group study with Waldorf teachers and parents, Payne discussed not only conflict resolution skills but also the multitude of factors in a child’s life that might make it difficult to behave well. “Set expectations — without reward of punishment,” he told the Camden Herald last September. “If the issue is cleaning a room, stay close and insist it will be done. Start small: help organize a child’s desk and then move on to the whole room.”
The aim of this program goes beyond behavioral compliance (there is still a discipline policy in effect at the school), reaching out further in an attempt to solve the problem behind the behavior. The question asked is “How can this child meet his or her needs without hurting other people?”
“Sitting in a group meeting with a Social Inclusion Facilitator, the teacher, the child with whom he or she is in conflict, and possibly bystanders, friends, and even eighth grade helpers, the student will help brainstorm solutions to the problem at hand,” says Jane Martin, a parent from the Waldorf School. Martin, a member of the parents council, was a group participant working with Payne last year.
“Students are given an opportunity to express their point of view about what happened, what they felt, what they needed, and often more importantly, to hear the subjective experience of the other students,” says Martin. “With an understanding of all the people involved, children can move from the combative stance (typical of punishment situations) to a cooperative stance, working together to find a way to meet everyone’s needs. When the child has helped create the solution, he or she is more likely to try to follow it.”
A mother with a student in the upper grades describes her positive experience with the new program: “My son was at a crossroads. He felt that he was a target, and not just of one child; it would often escalate to a situation where there were five or six children against him. It was a verbal bashing! My son felt he was able to handle one, but this was intolerable. He felt there were no options except to leave the school. A Social Inclusion meeting was scheduled. The results were phenomenal. His whole outlook changed. Finally, the other children understood him. They decided to make an effort not to do that anymore. And it hasn’t happened since.”
—Lynn Miller
