It might be spring, but we did have three or four real snowfalls this season. It’s hard to remember how many when we’ve been counting to zero for so many years.
Still, snowfalls inspire joy with thoughts of sledding, children building snowmen, cross-country skiing and an uncontrollable impulse to hum old standards like “Let It Snow,” “Frosty the Snowman” and “Susie Snowflake.” (Feel free to sing along.)
Then, there’s the compulsion to take fun-in-the-snow photographs. On the downside, however, is the overwhelming inner drive, not to mention the legal requirement, to shovel that snow.
Hopewell Township has a nine-section ordinance governing snow removal. Hopewell Borough has a four-paragraph ordinance. Incredibly efficient Pennington posts five sentences. The upshot is that you’d best be on your best behavior regarding snow removal, or you’ll be in trouble.
Don’t you dare push snow into the street or block storm drains or cover hydrants.
In the borough, “Any unoccupied vehicle parked or standing in violation of this subsection shall be deemed a nuisance and a menace to the safe and proper clearing and removal of snow and regulation of traffic.” Did you ever think that your car could be both a nuisance and a menace?
In addition to worry about defying the law is the deep-seated paranoia over being sued by someone who slips on your sidewalk and lies there long enough for photographs and eyewitness reports to be gathered by their ambulance chasing lawyer-cousin. Think about the fortunes that could be made and lost if you fail to clear your sidewalk.
It’s at times like these that we envy the lucky people who live deep in the Hopewell wilderness where there are no sidewalks. Of course, they are marooned in their houses and have to wait for the spring thaw to rejoin civilization.
Snow removal produces other little treats, like the anguish experienced when just after you’ve shoveled your sidewalk and driveway, the town plow comes by and spreads a gigantic mountain of snow over the vast area you’ve cleared, blocking the driveway and re-covering the sidewalk.
Slightly less exasperating is the tendency of oblivious little kids to pile up snow on the very spot you just cleared.
The actual process of shoveling snow is a genuine art full of benefits. It’s a great workout that beats the pointlessness of treadmills and lifting weights. Of course, be sure to lift snow with your legs, not your back, so as to spare everyone in your household from your moaning, “My back is killing me.”
Snow shoveling is not only wonderful exercise but productive, and you can see what you’ve accomplished as your snow piles rise and your driveway is exposed. It’s the next best thing to alpine skiing and so much cheaper.
Let’s examine proper equipment: Gloves or mittens? That is the question.
In addition, one must choose among at least five types of snow shovels: The standard flat shovel for lifting and tossing snow. The push shovel with the arced blade that works best for pushing, (not lifting, stupid). The ergonomic shovel with a curved handle and grabber that makes moving snow less of a strain. The telescope shovel that folds and can be kept in the car. And the little kids shovel designed to break quickly and be left in the driveway to be run over.
Of course, before you start shoveling, make sure that you do not look at any websites detailing the many dangers related to shoveling snow.
“Most injuries occur from either overexertion while shoveling or slipping and falling on ice.” People over 55 appear to be most vulnerable.
The American Heart Association cautions that “snow shoveling may carry increased risks for a cardiac event.” Is Valentine’s Day a cardiac event?
Don’t ignore the cold factor. “Cold weather can increase heart rate and blood pressure. It can make blood clot more easily and constrict arteries, which decreases blood supply. This is true even in healthy people. Individuals over the age of 40 or who are relatively inactive should be particularly careful.” Time to get off the couch.
“Talk to your doctor before shoveling snow. Not everyone is physically fit enough to shovel,” advises one site. Did you make that call? If not, you might already be dead.
Clearly, the decline in local snowstorms is a lifesaver.
Shoveling creates a subtle awareness of snow: of shoveling heavy snow which is really hard to move or light snow which blows in your face as you try to move it.
Then there’s the unpleasant discovery that after you’ve removed the top layers of snow, you’ve uncovered a sheet of ice far more treacherous than what you just shoveled. Perhaps, it’s best not to leave the couch.
(Image generated with AI.),
