I’m the king of the 2-hour party! Come over, have fun, clean up everything and get out. Sounds simple, right?
Okay, here’s where it starts. My parents lived on Theresa Street and right across the street were my grandparents. Next door to our house was my Aunt Blanche, so I basically had a neighborhood watch on my house at all times. I’m pretty sure I saw my grandmother army crawl behind a bush and look in my window at one point. Kidding!
My buddies and the girls we hung with in high school used to have parties at our friend Mel’s house just about every weekend. If the parents were gone, we partied at that house.
There was one day that my parents told me they were going to a West End Soccer Association board dinner. It was on a Saturday night and they would be gone for about 4–5 hours. The dinner started at 7 p.m., and I had this really good/awful idea to have people at my house to party.
I felt bad because I partied in every single one of my friends’ houses and I never hosted a party. My friends knew that my house was under surveillance with my grandparents across the street and my aunt next door, so we devised a lucrative plan.
I would have my buddies Biff and Mase outside parking cars on the side streets. DJ would be in the driveway to make sure no one parked there. Brett would tend to my dog and pet her so she didn’t bark like crazy. Merlin was in charge of the music and noise. If you were too loud, he shut you up. Beaston was in charge of furniture that we moved and made sure it was back in place after everyone left.
I was in charge of the clean-up. I was going to make sure if you came with something, you left with it. We were all set and in our places.
I honestly felt like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone when he devised the traps for the burglars. “This is it. Don’t get scared now.” Two hours on the clock…
I had only invited our immediate friends and their significant others, so it was only supposed to be 10–15 people. Nope! Word got out and cars started pulling up in my driveway and in front of my grandparents’ and aunt’s house.
I didn’t hire enough staff/my friends to deal with what was about to happen. A full-blown party broke out! I still owe DJ, Biff and Mase for the amount of running they did outside to get everyone’s cars away from my house and onto the side streets.
It was now 8 p.m. and I knew my parents had a good three hours in them to stay at this West End Soccer board dinner. Everyone had to be out of my house by 10 p.m. because Beaston and I needed an hour to put the house back together.
DJ was over his job of having to direct people out of my driveway, and my two parking guys Biff and Mase had enough and wanted to party. It became chaos.
At that point, Brett was more amused with a beer funnel than taking care of my dog. Me, well, I was filled with anxiety. Why are we here? Why are we at my house?
To wrap this up… I got all 40–50 people out of my house by 10 p.m. because, thank the Lord, another party broke out at someone else’s house.
Beaston stayed back with me and we scrubbed my house down so much that it looked like an open house was happening the next day. We both left and I crashed at Beaston’s house that night.
I received no phone call or text that night besides a “Hey, we just got home. Be safe at Chris’s (Beaston’s) tonight. I love you.”
Holy crap! I just got away with a 2-hour party!
My parents never found out until four years later at my college graduation party when DJ brought it up in front of my parents on our side porch.
My mom said, and I quote, “I already knew you had a party at my house, I’m not stupid.”
Beaston, Merlin, DJ, Biff, Mase, Brett and I were all there and we all looked at each other like, “How did she know?”
She said, “You realize us parents talk and you all had a different story of where you were that night… Oh yeah, and I found a beer can in the bush next to the house.”
We all stood there shocked and my dad happened to walk by and just said, “Dummies.”
Donnie Black was born and grew up in Ewing Township. He currently works at radio station XTU in Philadelphia as a producer, on air personality and promotions director.
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