It’s December, and for most of us, that means celebrating holiday traditions. “Traditional” means different things to different people, but for a certain subset across the country (mostly women), it means combining two of their seasonal loves—Christmas and true crime.
While I find lingering on murder to be depressing, many people find solace in true crime television shows, relishing the mistakes that criminals make, the skills of the pursuing detectives, and the eventual delivery of justice for the victims. Though I understand the satisfaction of seeing criminals brought to justice, when putting myself in the victim’s shoes I find it difficult to truly appreciate, since I’d be dead.
The offerings of murder shows are many: you can choose by geography (Murder in Mexico, Murder in the Bayou, Murder in Ypsilanti), or setting (Murder in the Vineyard, Murder in the Suburbs, Murders at the Burger Joint), or pun quality (Murder in the Thirst, Long Shot, A Crime to Remember).
There are so many crime shows, it’s overwhelming. Some, like Murder, She Wrote, are fictional, and at least 20% of all network dramas have to do with police or crime. A fun parlor game might list three titles of murder shows and have participants guess which two are true crime, and which one is fictional. You know, when you’re sitting in your 19th century style parlor, looking for something to do because there’s no TV to watch murder shows.
For another variation, make up two fake titles and see if your guests can guess which of the three shows actually exists. For example:
Murder Book, Murder by the Good Book, Poetic Justice: Nothing Rhymes With Murder (Correct Answer: Murder Book).
or:
Murder in the First, Murder in the Second, Murder in the Bottom of the Ninth (Correct Answer: Murder in the First).
or, indulging in anagrams:
Redrum, Murder Re: Drum (The Percussion Killings), Durr Me (The Dumb Way I Got Caught after Murdering Someone) (Correct Answer: Redrum).
The holiday season brings its own special TV murder shows, most notably the cheerily-named Homicide for the Holidays. I’d call it a Christmas litmus test to have someone choose between a crime show and the typical Hallmark holiday movie, but it’s not. You can have both, in the form of the 2015 TV movie Murder, She Baked: A Plum Pudding Mystery.
And there are always more offerings on the way—because what better Christmas gift than to combine classic holiday lore with gritty, crime-solving procedurals? And why stop at television shows? We could have middle school Christmas pageants with Mary and Joseph solving crimes in Bethlehem, for example. I’m thinking CSI: Judea, with some fascinating lessons on the forensics of stoning.
Perhaps the true litmus test is to visualize a large, bearded man breaking into your home and leaving you presents. If your first thought is to call the police, or shoot first and call the police later, then maybe a true crime holiday is perfect for you.
America has a murder problem. The homicide rate in the U.S. is more than three times higher than Europe’s, and one study found the U.S. homicide by firearm rate to be 26 times higher than other high-income countries. Meanwhile, Germany solves about 90% of its murders, and Japan is near 95%. By contrast, only 51% of U.S. murder cases were solved in 2021, a figure that might shock some, since DNA evidence, cell phone tracking, and security cameras, not to mention hundreds of TV shows documenting successful convictions, would make it seem difficult to get away scot free.
If paranoia is part of the reason for the success of crime TV, it may be partly justified. I suppose the good news is that there are, at least, plenty of seeds being sown for future TV “cold case” solutions.
But it is the holiday season, and despite the morbid subject matter of this column, it should be a festive time. So hopefully, hearing “O Holy Night” doesn’t bring bullet holes to mind, and if you’re looking for something to watch on TV, I’d suggest the Yule Log instead of The Christmas Killings Hosted by Nancy Grace. Make it a Silent Night, not a Violent Night. Happy holidays!