Earlier this year, I received a life sentence for something I didn’t want any part of and honestly I believe I’m innocent.
Nobody asks for this but it happens. This news has been all over Facebook and in local newspapers like this one so you probably heard about it.
This sentence has burdened not only my wife but my entire family. My father, brother, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins and close friends all have been affected by it.
I know they all have my back but it’s a sentence I have to deal with alone sometimes and they are all dealing with it in their own ways too. Since I’ve been conformed to just writing, let me tell you about this journey since the first day of my sentencing.
Day one was super tough trying to get used to my new normal. The constant crying, praying and begging things happened differently. I pleaded to God many times that night.
“Why is this happening to me, I didn’t do anything wrong!”
I was trapped in a room by myself with just a bed and my thoughts. My wife on the outside trying to help and comfort me. She did a great job but I had to do this sentence by myself.
The messages keep pouring in from friends and family with support. What if? What if I didn’t go to that party and just went back home? Lots of those questions have been running through my head. This went on for what seemed like a very long time. It was actually six months.
The first six months are the toughest. Well, actually the first 30 days are the toughest. I had to get used to a brand new environment.
Most of that 30 days was spent in isolation and constantly in my thoughts. I finally opened up and started talking to people in my situation and it really helped.
I did the first 30 with help from others in my same spot. People don’t tell you about how it is after the first month of questioning yourself and feeling guilty.
The six month mark is when you find out if you can actually make it. Will I be able to do the full sentence? It’s been 11 months and I still have one question. Why? I don’t think I did anything wrong so why am I in this situation?
Here’s my story and I hope it can related…
I’m not in physical jail but it seems like some kind of prison that I’m in.
I lost my mom on January 1 last year and my world was flipped upside down.
Like I said, the first day was really tough. You mean to tell me, this is real life and I can’t call her and hear her voice ever again?
I can’t just go to my parents house and talk to my mother, the woman who birthed me?
I can’t see her again? F You!!! How is this possible? She went to the hospital for breathing problems, which we all thought was just her anxiety.
Why did I stay at a New Year’s party and not go to the hospital that night?
Well, she told me not to. I always listened to my mom. We had to let her go on January 1, and I think about that decision every single day of my life.
I know it was the right decision but that decision was my mother’s life. The woman that cared about me for my entire life and made sure I was safe at all times.
You are telling me I have to make a decision whether she lives or dies? There are not enough curse words I could say to express my feelings at that point.
The doctors, who were helping my mother, got an earful and then some from me that day. I apologize for my language, and what I said to those who tried to help my mom.
I was not in the right state of mind to listen to what they were saying. This is full disclosure… my dad, my brother and my wife stood there in a hospital room with my mother laying there and we had to make a decision.
Our guardian, our hero, our perfect human being laying in a bed helpless. WTF? Why is that happening to her?
Here were our options—she could live and be hooked up to a breathing tube and basically be asleep for a couple more days OR we do what she told the four of us to do if this situation ever came up.
My Angel Ilene Black has been with me since Nov. 26 in 1985, and this woman will be my angel until I see her again.
This loss has completely messed me up and I apologize to friends/family/co-workers if I’ve been distant. I just miss my mom.
Donnie Black was born and grew up in Ewing Township. He currently works at radio station XTU in Philadelphia as a producer, on air personality and promotions director.
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