The world is coming to an end (yet again), and there is a real possibility that a convicted criminal could be the next U.S. president. Both are reasons enough to concentrate on fixing the things we can fix.
Most anything can be fixed. No matter how much time wasting is involved, there’s no reason to put up with a busted item or, even worse, throw anything away. On the other hand, there are limits. You don’t want to devolve into one of those nuts in the neighborhood with an acre of junk cars, thirty broken washing machines and twelve semi-functioning lawnmowers.
Let’s start outside. One of the more vital and formidable challenges we face is a disintegrating birdhouse. Inevitably the wind and rain will batter it, squirrels will gnaw at it and resident birds will inflict wear and tear. Be comforted. Every part of the birdhouse can be replaced. All you need are some wood scraps (don’t be shy about raiding dumpsters), a saw and some screws. Yank out the damaged wood, and put in a similarly shaped new piece. No need to paint. Weathering will make everything match.
Speaking of patio umbrellas, I bought a cheapo online. I was attracted by the tilt mechanism that promised the option of aiming the umbrella to provide maximum shade as the sun moved across the sky. Almost immediately, the mechanism failed, and in the slightest breeze caused the umbrella to tilt. What to do? Use hose clamps, those rings that keep round things attached. Slipping two clamps around the tilt mechanism kept it standing upright. To lower the umbrella, I just loosened the clamps (had a screwdriver handy), slid the clamps down, and turned the crank.
I guess I could have bought a new cheapo umbrella at the supermarket.
Do you have a rope hammock, the perfect location for outdoor napping? After a few years of exposure to sun and rain and heavy sleepers, the ropes tend to snap — one at a time. One could buy a new hammock for between $60 and $300, but with all the unused clothesline lying around, no need? It’s easy enough to connect the ends of the broken rope using a sheetbend knot (yes, there is value in having been a Boy Scout). The hammock might be ugly but who can tell if you’re lying on it.
Is the handle of your shovel or trowel loose? Try tightening the screw. If there is no screw, drill a hole through the handle and blade, and put in a screw. Screws go in lots easier if you put soap on the threads first.
Re-attaching things that have separated, immediately brings to mind adhesives. Yes, there is an adhesive for every occasion.
Is the top of your sandal separating from the sole? Go to an auto supply store for gasket cement, apply it to the split, clamp it overnight, and you can walk again.
Most all plastic toys can be repaired with airplane glue. Resist the temptation to sniff.
J-B Weld is the ultimate two-part epoxy that will hold anything together: detached watering can spouts, cracked car bumpers, broken promises.
Forget Krazy Glue. The only thing that goo ever sticks together is your thumb and forefinger.
How often do you squeeze the almost-full bottle of Elmer’s Paste and nothing comes out? Undoubtedly, the stuff has hardened and clogged the spout.
Take the spout apart, scrape out the hardened residue (water helps), put it back together, and watch the paste flow again. You can do the same with stuffed shampoo bottles. (But you knew that.)
Is your kite damaged? I once found a box kite floating in the ocean, a beautiful object, but the wooden struts holding it together had been smashed by the waves. Any hardware store stocks wooden dowels. Choose the size matching the broken kite pieces, cut to size, insert, and the kite flies again.
Did you call the plumber when you dropped your 12-carat diamond ring down the drain? No need. Sink traps are easy to remove. Just unscrew the plastic connectors and shake your jewel out of the bit of pipe. Before reattaching, you might as well clean out that yucky sludge. Be sure to scrub your hands afterwards with a powerful disinfectant.
Need to change your watch battery? You don’t need a jeweler to remove the back. For screw-back watches, you need a small screwdriver. Otherwise you can get an inexpensive back-remover kit. To avoid the expense of a kit, I use a hammer and chisel on the bargain Rolex that I bought on the street in Times Square.
Repairing household items yourself provides an inestimable sense of achievement, a feeling so elusive in today’s troubled world. Act with confidence. You can fix anything except, perhaps, shattered dreams or a broken heart.
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