So. Welcome to 2022. What will this year bring? Let’s face it. The last couple years have been….challenging, to say the least. Let’s hope that 2022 is happier, safer, healthier, and a whole heck of a lot better. Keeping that in mind, here is a list of my resolutions for 2022.
1. I will not ignore the fact that our kitchen garbage can is so full that a used toothpick would make it topple to the floor. I will reluctantly take the full bag to the trash and put a new bag in. Depending on the weather.
2. I will not squeeze the toothpaste from the top, even though it’s faster to do it that way. I will squeeze it from the bottom every time, even though the last time I did it that way, the bottom of the tube was not properly sealed and I ended up with a light green glob on my black sweater. Smelled minty-fresh all day, too.
3. I will make sure that there is enough shampoo in the bottle for the next person, rather than filling it halfway with water and shaking it, thus making it appear full.
4. On the same lines, I will replace the bar of soap in the shower as soon as the current soap has the same thickness as Saran Wrap.
5. I will not play games on my phone for long periods of time. Hang on a sec. Cross that one off the resolutions list. I like those games.
6. I will not hurriedly rip the tags from a new shirt, hang it in the closet, and when I wear it and my husband asks if it’s new, reply indignantly, “I’ve had this for YEARS.”
7. I will not leave just enough milk to coat the bottom of the gallon jug so that the next person who grabs it out of the fridge has to walk it to our recycle bin outside.
8. I will not use bath oil in the tub, so that when my husband George takes a shower, he slips on the oily residue and grabs onto the shower curtain to break his fall.
9. I will not borrow George’s car and leave the gas tank empty. I will at least put a half-gallon of gas in it before I turn it back over to him.
10. I will not pretend I don’t hear George talking. Unless whatever he’s talking about is boring me.
11. I will always replace the empty toilet roll so that no one has to crab-walk to the closet to get a new roll.
12. I will not threaten to kick my husband till he’s dead anymore. Unless he’s asking for it.
13. I will not pretend I am sleeping when one of the dogs wants to go outside at 3 a.m. and is pacing the floor. Hmm. You know what? Let’s just cross that one off the list.
14. I will not pretend I didn’t see the empty trash can on the curb in order to get out of dragging it back to the side of the house. (I just won’t look out the window or go outside on recycling days..
15. I will not pretend I am on my cell phone to avoid conversation with anyone. On second thought, let’s X that one out. I have found that deception necessary on several occasions.
16. I will stop complaining about the weather, because, let’s face it, A. I am a grown-up (sort of. and can pack up and move somewhere else at any time, B. whining doesn’t change anything, and C. we live in NJ. The weather changes every 5 minutes around here.
17. I will cook more. Very reluctantly, but I’ll do it. But I can’t promise you I won’t pout and/or sulk, or both. I also may or may not slam a pot or three.
18. I will actually dust my furniture instead of just running my hand over the surfaces.
19. I will be kinder, nicer, and sweeter to everyone. Wait. Maybe not EVERYONE.
20. I will stop making these resolutions.
I hope that everyone has a wonderful 2022 full of laughter and love and health and joy.
Ilene Black has been a resident of Ewing for most of her life and lives across the street from her childhood home. She and her husband, George, have two sons, Georgie and Donnie.
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