I love the holidays. I love seeing Christmas commercials on TV, I love cooking and serving Thanksgiving dinner, I love shopping for Christmas, I love partying on New Year’s Eve.
Full disclosure: everything that I wrote after the words “I love the holidays” is a bald-faced lie.
Let’s start with Christmas commercials. I saw my first one (a Target commercial) in mid-October. MID-OCTOBER! We hadn’t even bought our Halloween candy yet and I’m seeing Christmas trees and wrapped gifts on TV. And remember—our October weather was warm, so people were still going down the shore, leaving their backyard pools open, doing summer stuff. I realize that people who live in warm states experience this warm holiday phenomenon every year. ‘Kay. But NJ DOESN’T. So stop.
Let’s discuss Thanksgiving dinner. It’s the same menu every year. I get up earlier than I’d like in order to get the bird into the oven so we’re not eating dinner at midnight. My favorite part is trying to get the little bag of innards out of the turkey. I find it very fulfilling to shove my hand into the bird’s open cavity and try to yank the bag out without ripping it. Said no one ever.
After I prepare the bird, I get George to lift it into the oven, thereby clearing me of the probability of causing any accidents (like dropping the turkey onto the floor and watching it skid across the kitchen. And yes, it HAS happened).
Hosting Thanksgiving dinner is not hard. It’s just tiring. And the older I get, the more tiring it is. I love the part where we’re all around the table and eating and laughing and talking. But then we have the clean-up and leftover-packing. I do NOT LIKE doing that. I’ve been known to doze off sitting up on the couch after dinner. I do like the dessert part of the day, however. That ALMOST makes up for the fatigue.
Next on the list is Christmas shopping. Yeah. The days of kids circling stuff in the Sears Wish Book are over. Or the days of them sending me links to what they want. Now it’s a guessing game.
“I wonder if Donnie would like this helmet with the light on it?” — No.
“I think Georgie would enjoy these lovely photo socks of our dogs” — Um, no.
“I am fairly sure that Michelle doesn’t have this air fort. It SHOULD fit in their living room. She can use it to have some me time.” — Seriously?
And my husband? When I ask him, he says the following: 1) I have enough shirts; 2) I have enough pants; 3) I have enough sweaters; 4) I have enough gym clothes; 5) I have enough shoes/sneakers/slippers/boots; 6) I have enough jackets/coats/puffer vests; 7) I have enough cologne; 8) I don’t need a watch. I use my phone; 9) I don’t need socks; and 10) Just get me underwear. (I am tempted to get a refrigerator box and fill it with underwear for him.)
I’d like to be like my dad at Christmas. Minus the red plaid double-knit polyester high waisted pants and black patent leather loafers. He’d fill gift envelopes with money for each of us and walk around the room handing them out like a blackjack dealer.
Ah, New Year’s Eve. The excitement of making party plans, selecting just the right glamorous outfit, preparing an exotic dish to bring, anticipating the champagne that will be flowing…….the thrills are countless. For someone else. I, on the other hand, am usually dressed in warm flannels, drinking a cup of coffee, under a blanket, eating leftover Christmas desserts, and watching New Year’s Rockin’ Eve while keeping a close eye on the clock to determine whether I want to go to bed before the ball drops.
I know I sound like a Scrooge. I’m not. I KNOW I’m lucky to have what (and whom) I have, and I never take it for granted. But I didn’t want to do a mushy column about my warm and fuzzy holiday feelings.
My wish for you is that the spirit of the holidays lives in your heart all year long. Happy holidays! May God bless us, every one.
Ilene Black has been a resident of Ewing for most of her life and lives across the street from her childhood home. She and her husband, George, have two sons, Georgie and Donnie.
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