Ilene Black: Let’s have silver anniversary showers

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I recently attended my daughter-in-law’s bridal shower. Her bridal party outdid themselves. The venue was great, the food was excellent and the mood was jubilant. But as I watched Michelle open her gifts, I began to think that we need to institute a new tradition. I’m thinking we need to give showers for couples as soon as they hit 25 years of marriage.

Watching Michelle open beautiful new bed linens, I visualized our linens at home. We have exactly two sets of bed linens that match. The rest of the sheets and pillowcases are random, matching nothing. She also got a gorgeous comforter and pillow set. I would kill for it. Our current covering is an aqua quilted bedspread, which has hosted countless episodes of Doggie Wrestling matches, so it’s not looking very decorative at this time.

And the pots and pans! Skillets, Dutch ovens, saucepans, pots and pans set. I actually have most of the set of pots and pans that we got at our bridal shower, 39 years ago. Their advanced age shows in every ding and dent.

The kitchen appliances that Michelle got were fabulous. Let’s face it. Back when George and I got married, there was no such thing as a microwave oven. We had a toaster and maybe a toaster oven (although I think that came later), a coffee maker, and an electric can opener. That was it on the kitchen appliances. So an air fryer and a jumbo griddle are magical to me.

The towels she got were lush, thick and beautiful. With hand towels and washcloths. Sitting there watching her open these towels, I had a momentary vision of our current towel situation. Right now we have three towels that are relatively plush. The rest are as thin as a paper towel.

Someone gifted Michelle a dessert decorating set. It’s so cool. There are piping bags (the plastic bag you put the icing in), a bag cutter, spatula, storage case and 18 tips. You use the tips to do roses, basketweave, leaves, stars, ruffles and more. Now to be honest, I do not want one of these. Simply put, I don’t bake. That’s what they invented bakeries for. But it’s still a really nice gift, and Michelle does bake very well.

One thing she got that I love is an expandable colander/strainer. It fits over the sink so you can drain pasta or salad makings (or whatever) without the stupid colander tipping over and dumping all the pasta or salad makings in the sink, forcing you to grab the pasta or salad makings with your hands and toss it all back in the stupid colander, all while looking over your shoulder to make sure no one saw this happen. I’ve never done that, of course, but I’ve heard others have (I’ve done it).

A clothes steamer! I love this thing, mainly because I hate ironing and on the rare occasion that I attempt to iron, there are more creases and wrinkles in the garment than when I started.

She got some wonderful utensils. And a beautiful knife set. We are still using the utensils I got for my bridal shower. The handles used to have a floral display on them. No more. After 39 years of stirring, flipping, forking with them, the design is a mere shadow of itself. And we have one good, sharp long knife. One. Our silverware—best not to mention it.

If someone comes over expecting a cocktail and some cheese and crackers, they will get their cocktail in a water glass and cheese and crackers on the one very worn-out cheeseboard that we still own. Michelle got a beautiful monogrammed cutting board and an intricate cheeseboard with knives.

The one thing I could do without at my shower is the bridal lingerie. No lingerie for this gal. I wear knee length sleeveless nightgowns all year round. If I ever dressed in bridal lingerie, George would immediately start testing me for concussion. After he stopped rolling on the floor laughing.

I say we adopt this new plan—anyone who hits 25 years of marriage gets a shower. Actually, we don’t even need a party. Just send gifts. Boom. Genius!

Betting on black Ilene

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