Contrary to worldwide belief, true Jersey girls bear little resemblance to what is pictured on TV. Most of us have never had plastic surgery, although many of us may wish we had. Most of us do not put on makeup with a trowel. Most of us do not use half a can of hairspray on our coiffures. We are normal, average women with a strong pride in our state and all its idiosyncrasies. And yes, we have a bit of an attitude. So what?
(Columnist’s note: in this piece, I am not speaking for the whole female population of New Jersey. I am referring to the Jersey girls that I know personally. Or maybe I am referring to just me.)
True Jersey girls are outspoken without being obnoxious. Wait, let me amend that. If obnoxiousness is called for, then we can do obnoxious like no other. When true Jersey girls go “to the city,” they are going to either New York or Philly. And true central/south Jersey girls always refer to Philly as, well, Philly and not Philadelphia.
True Jersey girls don’t pump their own gas and don’t plan to. Ever. True Jersey girls, even if they relocate to another state, will always consider themselves Jersey girls. True Jersey girls drink “cawfee” and “wood-er” and we can negotiate a four-lane traffic circle without spilling a drop of those beverages.
True Jersey girls wear flip-flops the second the thermometer reaches above 55 degrees, and we keep wearing them through mid-October.
True Jersey girls can do their own landscaping, change a flat tire, move heavy furniture and cook a full meal for 10, all in the same day. We may complain just a tad afterwards, but the complaining is just part of our charm.
True Jersey girls consider Jersey beaches to be heaven on earth. True Jersey girls are happiest with their feet, rather than their heads, in the sand.
True Jersey girls know how to body-surf, how to avoid getting knocked over by a big wave, and how to eat lunch on the beach without getting a mouthful of sand.
True Jersey girls can spot a Jersey tomato from a mile away and they have 20 different ways to serve them. True Jersey girls laugh at the New Jersey haters and feel pity for them. But if they relentlessly insult Jersey, then we will have words, you understand me?
True Jersey girls are not Mob Wives or Real Housewives or Jersey Shore cast members. True Jersey girls are hardworking women, paying high car insurance rates and property taxes out the wazoo, dealing with health issues and money issues and when to retire issues and all kinds of other issues, just like all women.
True Jersey girls wonder what idiot made up the word “Joisey.” True Jersey girls have watched the sun rise over the Atlantic and set over the Delaware River. In the same day. True Jersey girls know that speed limit signs are merely suggestions. Until you see a cop.
True Jersey girls shovel sidewalks, rake leaves, and plant flowers, sometimes within the same month. True Jersey girls act like they grew up with Frank Sinatra, even though they have never been to Hoboken.
True Jersey girls cannot choke down pizza from any other state except Pennsylvania and New York. And soft ice cream tastes best on the Seaside Boardwalk. True Jersey girls know how to steer around the raised manhole covers on the roads.
True Jersey girls are a little tougher, a little more resilient, and a lot better-looking than, well, everyone else. True Jersey girls laugh louder, love deeper and smack harder than anyone. If you want an honest answer, ask a true Jersey girl. If you want a brutally honest answer, ask a true Jersey girl over the age of 50.Want a good deal on a new car? Take a true Jersey girl to the dealership with you.
In 1884, a poem titled “My Jersey Girl” was written by Dunbar Hylton. It graces the facade of the Pennsauken Transit center. Here’s the opening line from it:
“My Jersey girl, my Jersey girl.
All bright and beautiful was she….”
Told ya. Got a problem with that?
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