By Heidi Kahme
Hopewell Valley Municipal Alliance
The weather is getting warmer, finally. Many families and teens will be making plans for get-togethers and celebrations – proms and graduations are just around the corner. While these are exciting, fun and safe events for most, it is also a high-risk time. Parents and other adults can help keep teens safe by being informed and prepared.
Without question, talking with your children is extremely important in efforts to protect them from high risk behaviors. But there are other things that parents can do to be effectively involved in preventing alcohol and drug problems in children.
NCADD–National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc. offers the following tips for parents and other adults. Before reviewing these tips, there are two important points to be aware of:
Why is there so much focus on keeping kids alcohol and drug free? Because recent scientific research has found that the longer an individual postpones the onset (first use) of alcohol, tobacco or other drug use, the less likely the individual is to develop an addiction or other lifelong problems, including depression.
The power of parents. Believe it or not, parents are the most powerful influence on their kids when it comes to drugs and alcohol. Recent research has found that 2 out of 3 kids ages 13-17 say that losing their parents’ respect is one of the main reasons they don’t drink alcohol, smoke marijuana or use other drugs.
As a parent, you can use your influence to encourage and promote prevention efforts with your children. Here are Ten Tips for Parents:
Don’t be afraid to be the “bad” parent. Sometimes, our fear of negative reaction from our kids keeps us from doing what is right. When it comes to alcohol and drugs, taking a tough stand can help our children to say no…“my mom or my dad would kill me if I drank or used.” Our decisions and our rules allow our child to use us as “the reason” for not using alcohol or drugs.
Connect with your child’s friends. Pay attention to who your child is hanging out with, who’s coming to the house and get to know them. Encourage your child’s friends to come to your home, invite them for dinner and make them feel welcomed. Encourage your child to invite friends over to the house. All children need other adults in their lives.
Make connections with other parents too. As you get to know your kids friends, take the opportunity to introduce yourself to his/her parents. It’s a great way to build mutual support and share your rules about alcohol and drugs. And, it will make it easier for you to call if your son/daughter is going to a party at their house to make sure that there will be responsible parental supervision.
Promote healthy activities. Help your kids, and their friends, learn how to have fun, and fight off the dreaded “I’m bored.” Physical games, activities and exercise are extremely important because of the positive physical and mental benefits.
Encourage kids to become engaged in other school and community activities such as music, sports, arts or a part-time job. The more your children are active, the less time they have to get caught up in the pressure from peers to drink alcohol and use drugs.
Establish clear family rules about alcohol and drugs. Setting specific, clear rules is the foundation for parental efforts in prevention, some ideas:
–Kids under 21 will not drink alcohol.
–Kids will not ride in a car with someone who has been drinking or using drugs.
–Older brothers and sisters will not encourage younger kids to drink or use drugs.
–Kids under 21 will not host parties at our home without parental supervision.
–Kids will not stay at a kid’s party where alcohol or drugs are present.
–Consistent enforcement of the rules, with consequences, if needed is essential. Without consequences the rules have no value and will not work.
Get educated about alcohol and drugs. You cannot rely on your own personal experiences or common sense to carry you through. Your ability to provide family leadership in prevention requires you to be better educated. As you learn, share what you are learning with your spouse/partner and your kids.
Be a role model and set a positive example. Bottom line: from a kid’s perspective, what you do is more important than what you say! Research studies show that parents who drink alcohol or use drugs are more likely to have kids who drink or use. If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation; if you use medication, use only as directed, and do not use illegal drugs. If you host a party, always serve alternative non-alcoholic beverages and do not let anyone drink and drive.
Keep track of your child’s activities. Asking questions, keeping track, checking in are all important. Research has found that young people who are not regularly monitored by their parents are four times more likely to use alcohol or drugs. Make the time to know what is happening in your child’s life—especially in families where both parents work outside of the home—life is busy, but you must find time for your children. Know what they are up to!
Keep track of alcohol and prescription drugs. For kids, the most common source of alcohol and prescription drugs is parents. Make sure that your home is not a source of alcohol or prescription drugs for your kids or their friends.
Get help! If at any point you suspect that your child is having a problem with alcohol and/or drugs, get help. Don’t wait. You are not alone.
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Naturally, this time of year brings parties and get-togethers. The Drug-Free Action Alliance provides the following party going information for parents.
If your teen is giving a party:
– Help your teenager plan the party. Make a guest list and invite only a specific number of people.
– Have your child pass out or send invitations and try to avoid the “open party” situation.
– Don’t send e-mail invitations. They can be forwarded to a large number of people quickly and you lose control of who has this information.
– Put your phone number on the invitation and welcome calls from parents.
– Set rules ahead of time such as no alcohol, tobacco or other drugs. Set a start and end time for the party.
– Let attendees know that if they leave, they can’t come back.
– Have plenty of food and non-alcoholic beverages.
– Plan some activities such as music, games, movies, etc.
– Let your neighbors know in advance there will be a party and that you will be there to supervise.
– Limit the party access to a certain area of the house/property.
– Have a plan for dealing with vehicles. Include parking information on your party invitation.
– Call parents of any teen who arrives in possession of alcohol or under the influence. If you can’t get in touch with the parents, keep the teen there or call the police if necessary. You can be civilly liable if you know they have been drinking and you let them leave.
– Secure all forms of alcohol, firearms and other potentially hazardous items in your home in a safe place.
– Familiarize yourself with you community’s noise ordinances.
– Make regular and unobtrusive visits to the party area with sensitivity to teens’ needs for privacy and independence.
– Invite some other parents to help chaperone if there will be a large number of teenagers.
If your teen is attending a party:
– Know where your child will be. Call the parent in charge to verify the occasion and location of the party and ensure there will be adult supervision.
– Ask how many teens are expected at the party and offer to help supervise or provide refreshments.
– Make certain that the host will not be serving or allowing alcohol. Ask how they plan to handle the situation if a teen shows up with alcohol or has been drinking.
– Indicate your expectations to your child and the parent hosting the party that if the teens leave and go somewhere else, you will want to know.
– Set a curfew for your teen to be home and when they arrive home, have them check in with you.
– Know how your child is getting to and from the party. Reinforce the message to your teenager that they should never allow someone who has been drinking or using other drugs to drive them anywhere.
– Have your child notify you if they change location.
– Assure your child that they can telephone you to be picked up whenever needed.
– If the activity seems inappropriate, express concern and keep your child home.
Remember, as a parent you have the greatest influence over your child’s future. Let’s make this time of year a safe one for everyone.
Heidi Kahme is the coordinator of the Hopewell Valley Municipal Alliance whose vision is a community united in the development of caring, confident and responsible youth.
