Most people who set out to write a book never end up with a final, printed product. Lulu Bell has written a book about surviving both domestic abuse and breast cancer. Her book, “I Married a Narcissist Parasite,” is based on life with her ex-husband. The West Windsor resident has organized a workshop for women at West Windsor Library on Thursday, September 27, from 6 to 8 p.m.
She has assembled area support services including legal counsel for divorce, custody, and restraining orders; domestic violence triages, shelters, and help; crisis hotlines, and cancer survivor support groups. Bell has lived it all and believes that women helping women is a way to overcome stumbling blocks in life.
As someone who learns best through examples, Bell has selected a series of diary entries to paint the picture of a love lost, a marriage gone awry, and a level of confusion so great that it paralyzed her ability to realize that she had, indeed, married “Prince Harming.”
Born and raised in Canada, she has been in the United States for 20 years. She received her PhD in molecular biology and works as a business strategy consultant, mostly for IT companies. She moved to New Jersey a year ago. Given her ex’s history of violence, abuse, and legal battles, Bell has changed all names, dates, and places in her book.
Bell’s second and third books are already being planned. The working titles are “Diary of Divorce from a Parasite” and “Others’ Stories about the Parasites they Married and How They Found the Strength to Leave.”
Excerpts from the book follow:
“Angry? Shocked? Wondering what the hell happened? Feeling like you’ve been sucked dry financially, mentally, and emotionally by your ex? If yes, then this is the book for you! You’re not alone in the twilight zone. Many of us have married narcissists (but didn’t realize it until later). Or dated them. Welcome to the club.
“Now, it’s a matter of how you will rise above what you’ve experienced, re-invent yourself, rebuild, and start toasting the fact that you’re free from the life sucker. Go ahead. Do it now. Raise a glass! You probably need the practice feeling happy again as it’s no doubt been a while. The good news is that you’re probably going to be celebrating a lot in the months and years ahead. Take a deep breath and know that you will get there — it will just take time and some introspection.
“We were broke and fighting all the time. Seven years into our historic home restoration project, we still lacked walls, had one functioning toilet, no rooms had been completed and we lived surrounded by piles of wood and scraps — inside our house.
“My handyman-hubby-of-a-husband (aka Prince Harming, Loser, Insert-Name-of-Choice-Here) argued that his role as our general contractor was a full-time commitment. Not so much, as I learned years later when a parade of contractors came forward and told me that all he did was order them around, go out for breakfast and lunch, surf the internet, fake the effort, and take credit for their work.
“Then, in 2006, at the far edge of my mid-30’s, the storm really spun out of control. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Two weeks later, I lost my job and went on COBRA health insurance. Not exactly the charmed life of a Princess. At that time, it became clear that my husband was no longer simply critical of me ‘with my best interests in mind.’ He was emotionally abusive with increasing hostility towards me when my ‘value’ fell (cancer / job loss / lower salary). Later, his verbal abuse became physical when I began challenging his authority.
“Following multiple incidents including pulling me off a ladder, pushing me into a window, wrestle-pinning me down in a neck choke hold, and more, things escalated to the point where he was served, in court, with a protective (restraining) order, set to the maximum of two years, and upheld in court after he challenged it. He was evicted from our shell of a house and he spent the next two years fighting me for everything I loved and cherished, not to mention doing all that he could to take me down and wipe me out financially, too.”
The book also gives tips on how to spot and handle narcissists and top 10s on what she is most proud of and what she wishes she could do over. Her interest in animal shelters became stronger when she lost custody of her dog in the divorce. She now lives with her new dog, Snooks.
“Although these are heavy topics, my book is humorous and designed to coach and inspire people going through challenges and to encourage them to keep going,” says Bell. The book is available on amazon.com for $9.99 for the paperback and $5.99 for the Kindle version. Ten percent of profits will be donated to Project Safety Net, dedicated to finding safe harbor for victims of abuse and their pets.
Women Helping Women Workshop, West Windsor Library, 333 North Post Road, West Windsor. Thursday, September 27, 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Dr. Lulu, author of “I Married a Narcissist Parasite.” A percentage of sales benefit Project Safety Net. 609-799-0462.
