When the district set forth its proposed naming policy on September 11, it did so after an outpouring of public interest in the subject, particularly the proposal to rename the High School North baseball field in memory of David Bachner, who died of a heart ailment just weeks before he would leave for college on a baseball scholarship.
The district’s naming proposal, which says that a person must be dead for at least five years before a facility can be named in their honor, was not endorsed by the Bachner family.
Said Rhonda Bachner in an E-mail to the News: “This is a big blow to myself, my husband, and to all of David’s friends. My son was ‘the most popular kid’ in school because he was kind and loved everyone. But what everyone is missing is that he broke many school and state records. All the kids know the field at North as Bachner field and this would be a wonderful thing to do for the community.”
The parents of Kenny Baker, who committed suicide in 2009, were unhappy with the policy, as well, particularly the section on suicides. That section notes that, to avoid contagion, “permanent markers or memorials, or special pages in yearbooks or school activities dedicated to the suicide victim will not be approved or authorized.”
Tricia Baker, mother of Kenny, wrote in an E-mail that “the policy is wrong and discriminatory. According to research, dying by suicide is no different than dying from cancer or in a car accident. To treat those who die by suicide differently from those who die by other means is wrong. Mental illness is more treatable than heart disease, yet less than one-third affected seek treatment due to the stigma. If we ‘normalize’ mental illness, young people are more likely to seek treatment, and there will be fewer suicides.”
Tricia and her husband, Kurt Baker, along with Donna McCarthy, the mother of two High School North students, presented the school board with copies of a document titled “After a Suicide: A Tool Kit for Schools,” developed by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), and funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
Tricia Baker says despite having no children left in the district after Kenny’s death and her daughter Katelyn’s graduation from North in 2011, she still felt compelled to attend the first reading of the district’s field and facilities naming policy and let the board know that all deaths should be treated equally.
Baker also supports those who have rallied to put David Bachner’s name on one of the district’s baseball fields.
And, she says, WW-P’s newly proposed policy will further “erase” the fact that “suicides have existed in our school district.” In essence, she believes the district isn’t tackling the issue head-on.
The Bakers have devoted much of their time in recent years to suicide prevention. Tricia Baker said her son Kenny’s legacy will be their efforts to reduce teen suicide and other outreach. She and her husband operate an organization called A.I.R., which stands for Attitudes in Reverse. Katelyn Baker came up with the concept with the idea that mental illness is just like air: just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist (WW-P News, April 29, 2011).
Through A.I.R., Baker has spoken to students twice at High School North about mental health and suicide awareness. In the past 15 months the Bakers have spoken to more than 5,300 students.
In April, 2011, almost two years after her son’s death, Baker spoke to 410 juniors at North. Baker says that after the gathering 18 students came to the school’s guidance office for help dealing with their problems.
In May Baker spoke to 1,200 students. She praised the school’s principal, Michael Zappichi, for his efforts to work with her family and the organization to bring resources, literature, and presentations to students. “It took us about a year, he’s very supportive now. He is on the promotional DVD,” Baker said.
Baker said that in the last three years, the family’s requests to have a scholarship in Kenny’s memory dedicated were denied by the district. “We only recently received approval from Mr. Zappichi that next June, for the first time, we will be permitted to have a scholarship,” she said.
The principal has also allowed meetings for A.I.R. and others working for suicide prevention to take place at High School North. However, Baker says the rest of the school district’s administration has been less responsive to their campaign.
“We feel it is too important not to say anything. The district has to get this message to the kids. It’s about the future students of WW-P — these kids are under so much pressure and we don’t want to recognize it as parents. Even apart from high school, research has shown that suicide is the second-leading cause of death for college students,” Baker says.
The three WW-P suicides that have occurred in consecutive years — teenager Sam Esposito the year before Kenny, plus High School South teacher and soccer coach Brian Welsh in 2010 — changed more than just Baker’s family life. She began to examine how the district supported students in the wake of such incidents.
“The way the deaths were handled were not appropriate — the schools are not equipped to handle the death of a student, and to date there’s no traumatic loss policy in place in the district.”
Baker notes that after student suicides in 2008 and 2009, the district did not call in extra support. Students’ attempts to wear T-shirts and other apparel to pay tribute to their deceased friends had been outlawed. However in 2010, when Welsh committed suicide, WW-P did ask for extra guidance counselors on hand.
“Rather than see them put their time and efforts into how to memorialize students who passed away, although that is also important, let’s see if we can focus on helping on those who are living — the current and future students of West Windsor-Plainsboro. The board can do that by putting a traumatic loss policy into effect,” Baker says.
Baker stressed the need to recognize the difference between remembering a student and memorializing them. As for the district’s proposed policy, Baker said WW-P is opening up a huge can of worms.
“The school district document states that there will be no discrimination because of mental disability. Suicide is only a symptom of a mental disability, so with the suicide clause in there, there will indeed be discrimination due to mental disabilities. Treating the death of someone by suicide, different than any other death, perpetuates the stigma, and causes those who struggle, to be embarrassed or afraid to seek help — which can result in additional suicides,” Baker wrote in an E-mail.
At the school board meeting, Baker noted that page 7 of “After a Suicide, a Tool Kit for Schools” states that “schools must strive to treat all deaths in the same way.” To verify the statements, she spoke with Steve Olson from the Mercer County Traumatic Loss Coalition, and his comments to Baker were “unfortunately, there is no way to regulate compassion.”
Despite her personal pain, Baker wants to stress that Kenny “died from the wrong illness” — mental illness. She feels his memory is not fairly recognized. Baker says a few days after the recent 9/11 anniversary, they went to see the small tree that was planted in Kenny’s memory and it had been dug up and poorly taken care of. After four weeks of being out of the ground, she reports that the tree was put back on Monday, September 17.
“My question is would other memorial trees be allowed to be treated this way, or because Kenny died from the ‘wrong illness’ is it allowed?” Baker asks.
