I have many men in my life that I adore: brothers, my father, father-in-law, and of course, the two who live in my house and give me great joy. However, at the moment, I know I am not the only woman in America who is thoroughly disgusted with the male species in general and two in particular: those lumbering oafs who have made international headlines with their despicable behavior.
I cannot imagine how Maria Shriver is holding it together. She says her children have given her strength, and I believe that they and a strong moral compass are the only things keeping her from clobbering that poor excuse of a husband and human being on the head, Terminator or not. At least his run in elected office is over and his box office comeback should derail before it is given a chance to launch. As the Terminator, Schwarzenegger intones, “Hasta la vista, baby.” One can only hope.
Plenty of people are saying that powerful men display bad behavior because they can get away with it, that power intoxicates and makes them feel that they are invincible, that the rules that apply to mere mortals simply don’t apply to them. That’s utter nonsense, and if anything, condones and facilitates even more bad behavior. If they do the crime, they should serve the time. String them up by their toenails or better yet, a more relevant part of their anatomy.
Shriver took a step back from her own flourishing broadcast career to play the roles of wife, mother, and loyal political spouse. And look what it has gotten her: a continued run of the Kennedy curse — their men dying young, their women trying to keep calm and carry on, despite betrayal and heartache.
Perhaps it’s because she’s a woman of my generation and the mother of children similar in age to my own, but the outrage I feel on her behalf is deep. The details that are now coming out about the affair itself — its duration and logistics — where the trysts took place, even down to the fact that her husband’s so-called love child and their biological child were born only days apart — are just appallingly sad and sordid.
And then there’s I.M.F. dude, Dominique Strauss Kahn, and boy, are the tabloids having fun with the word play — “this French frog sure was a horny toad” is probably one of the most humorous headlines I’ve seen.
But what he’s accused of is no laughing matter. He was not a playboy, though he fancied himself to be one. He was a sexual predator, allowed to run rampant and unchecked for years in decent society. What’s particularly egregious is that everyone knew, including his wife, and yet looked the other way. I want to shake Anne Sinclair and say, “what’s the matter with you; get your head out of the sand.” I accept that everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but even without a court of law, it is obvious that this man has been on the prowl and preying on women for years. For his wife to stand by him is noble on one level, but in this case, her response is deluded and in a sad way, has actually allowed him to perpetuate his criminal behavior.
Also unbelievable is the fact that on the same day as his unwanted assignation with the hotel maid, Strauss-Kahn was on his way to have dinner with his daughter, a student at Columbia University. To be a father and act in such a reckless manner disrespectful of all women is also unfathomable.
Schwarzenegger and Strauss-Kahn may be dominating the headlines, but there are plenty more examples of men behaving badly: the investigation into Lance Armstrong and the charges of doping are especially disheartening to Bill, a long-time cyclist, who has revered both the sport and its heroes; there is Tiger Woods, who once upon a time appeared invincible and now, appears more human than ever, with injuries dogging his game and knocking him from the top of the heap. Karma, it appears, is collecting its debt.
And there are all those baseball players and charges of steroid use, financiers who turned out to be liars and cheats, rappers who glorify violence and win big recording contracts, box office and political heroes who betray the ones they love, international politicians, powerful men of accomplishment who act like common criminals- these are the men our sons are being exposed to as they are starting to cross the threshold of manhood and look out for role models.
Home is the best place to find those role models, but today, in this country, an estimated 40 percent of boys are not living with their biological fathers. Those boys are more likely to look to their peers or to the media for examples of what a man should be. That makes the lack of heroes and at the same time, the large numbers of heroes who are being shoved off their pedestals especially troubling.
As for us in this family, Will is going to treat women right because he’s got a mother and two big sisters who are going to smack him down if he doesn’t. But in his case, more important than fear is the positive influence he’s getting from his dad. He recently got in trouble for something at school, and while he was scared of the wrath that would rain down from me he was more upset and worried that his father would be disappointed with him. That and the strong sense of right and wrong we are trying to build with him are powerful forces to keep him in line. Both Schwarzenegger and Strauss-Kahn could learn a thing or two from a 12-year-old.
