There are many surefire indicators that your baby is growing up — that he’s at least a couple of inches taller than you is the least of it. It’s when they do an about-face on one of their favorite holidays that you can truly embrace the reality that your baby is not such a baby any more.
It was Halloween night, traditionally right behind Christmas and birthdays as the annual highlight for all three of our kids. Less than two hours after hitting the streets with his friends, carrying a king-size pillow case to collect his loot, I got a call. “Mom, can you come pick us up? This feels like too much work and we’re tired. We’d rather hang out at home and give out candy.” This is the child, who, in his heyday, would hit at least three neighborhoods with his friends, literally sprinting from house to house in his quest to keep our dentist in business.
Shortly after we walked in the door, the doorbell rang. Ah, trick-or-treaters! And they just happened to be friends from school, in fact, a gaggle of girls. Was it coincidence? I thought so. And then I realized, maybe not. The children who still sometimes leave lunch money or homework at home have a remarkable ability to coordinate their social calendars using their little technological toys. And when your baby would rather talk to the girls and hand out the candy rather than collect it, you really know that the times, well, they are a changin’.
On this theme, my husband Bill and I recently had a flash forward to our future. Will is in seventh grade, and that means it is Bar and Bat Mitzvah season. Will was out again on a Saturday night and we were sitting, watching TV. Bill remarked, “You realize that we’re going to have a lot of nights like this, that this is going to be more the norm than the exception.”
As much as Will still loves hanging out with us, given a choice between his parents and friends on a Saturday night, it’s pretty much a slam dunk which way he’ll go. Katie is in her last year of college, and Molly is a freshman. Their lives are at school and their focus is on the real world. Those Saturday nights of family games and movies or dinner out are now the stuff of holidays rather than daily life. It’s a good thing Bill and I still enjoy spending time together. Imagine the torture if that were not true.
Will gave us another touching reminder that he is growing up. I had made a big fuss about the fact that he had forgotten to text me that he had arrived safely at the school dance. He won’t forget again, as I launched a frenzy of texts to his friends from my phone asking if Will was with them. I was just about to jump in the car and go to school and scour the dance floor to ascertain his presence when I finally received a phone call from him saying sheepishly, “Sorry, Mom, I forgot to text you. I got to the dance and I was distracted.”
I’m sure he was. But I impressed upon him the fact that if I am expecting to hear from him and I don’t, I will worry. Electronic communication gives him a lot of freedom, but it’s still a leash and he has to tow the line.
The next night was the big, rare October snowstorm, and Bill and I spent an hour rounding up kids from one end of town to transport them to the other for a Halloween party. As we said goodbye to him with the fierce snow still pelting down, he said, “Mom, when you get home, make sure you text me so I know you got home safely.” Our baby was worried about us. It’s nice to know that they absorb these lessons about concern and caring. Little does he know that some day he’ll be saying those same words to his own children. Molly has always been like a mother hen that way, but it’s especially true these days when I drop her off at school and she insists that I let her know when I arrive home safely.
Will is going to be 13 in a couple of months; wow, a teenager. Molly turned 18 in September, and Katie hit 21 in August. Realizing that this was going to be a year of milestone birthdays, we had our family picture taken while on vacation in South Carolina this summer. I wanted to freeze them in time.
We did this same family portrait eight years ago. Will was four and he looks like a doll cuddled next to me; the girls are fresh-faced and sweet and caught in the bloom of adolescent beauty. Katie’s real name is Katherine, and when she was born, we said she’s definitely a Katie now but some day when she is all grown up, she may want to use Katherine. Just the other day, she sent us an E-mail saying she’ll remain Katie to family and old friends, but on her resume and in her post-college life, she’d like to be known as Katherine.
It was yet another bittersweet moment when you realize that the far-away time you envisioned years ago has arrived, and the future is now.
