Tyler Clementi’s death was tragic. We can’t understand what drove him to jump from a bridge, nor can we feel his parents’ sorrow. But do we as a society need to compound the sadness?
Let’s think about how we got here. It’s the fall of 2010, and two teenagers make the tremendous leap from home to college dorm. As mismatched roommates at Rutgers, Tyler Clementi and Dharun Ravi have moved into the same bedroom. Some three weeks into the school year, at around 9 p.m., Tyler asks Dharun to stay out of their shared space for a while. Dharun, who grew up with computers, sets up his webcam to see what happens while he is gone. He briefly monitors from a friend’s room across the hall. Tyler entertains an older male romantic partner, Dharun tweets friends about it, and Tyler learns that he is being watched. Two days later, a variation of the incident repeats. Tyler makes his way to the George Washington Bridge and hurls himself to his death in the water below.
The suicide of a fragile young music student jolts the adult world. A story of gay intimacy, electronic spying, and death sells big in the media. Political correctness howls for punishment as hungry prosecutors circle. The frenzy is overwhelming. An awkward situation between roommates, which both young men were ill-equipped to handle, has become a public devastation for two families.
Where should we go from here? As for the Clementis, they will struggle the rest of their lives with a private grief. Tyler is gone but every “what if” will linger. The Ravis have not lost their son, but both their lives and their hopes for him are pulled to ragged pieces. There is little comparison between legal expenses and funeral expenses, but there is also no way to calculate the cost of witnessing a beloved son suffer. Dharun’s life is in the balance.
I don’t know anyone in this case, but I have both a sister who is gay and teenage sons. I would not torment the one for her nature, and I would not punish the others for acting like teenagers. Dharun’s curiosity about what went on in his own bedroom is normal. Even uneasiness with the sexuality of a roommate is an understandable reaction to newness, not a hate crime. And, let’s admit it, in an earlier era Dharun would have simply put his ear to the door and motioned for his friend to join him.
Too many adults seem to have forgotten what it’s like to be only half-grown. Worse, they continue to seek destruction of a young man’s future, whether to push an agenda or defend their own prior poor judgment in prosecution of the case. We should mourn the loss of life, of course, and take the teachable moment, but the charges against Dharun Ravi are extreme. This case has gone much too far already.
Kathy Bybee
West Windsor
