You’ve probably seen them tied to trees and fluttering in the breeze, bright teal ribbons lining Clarksville Road near High School South and Maurice Hawk School in West Windsor and in Plainsboro. And if you’ve wondered why they are there, Shari Widmayer would be pleased to know that she’s accomplished her mission: to have people ask questions about those ribbons so she can spread awareness about ovarian cancer.
Shari, 49, the executive pastry chef at Jasna Polana in Princeton, is a West Windsor resident, an ovarian cancer survivor, and a proud suburban mom of two beautiful daughters, 12-year-old Hannah, a seventh grader at Grover Middle School, and 10-year-old Lillie, a fifth grader at Village, both adopted from China. Her daughters were a huge inspiration to her in her fight against the disease that has been called the “silent killer” because its symptoms are usually so subtle that the cancer is often at an advanced stage before it is diagnosed.
Ovarian cancer is the fifth leading cause of cancer death among women in America. There will be an estimated 21,550 new cases of ovarian cancer in the United States in 2009; almost 15,000 women will die from the disease. Women diagnosed with ovarian cancer before it spreads outside the ovaries have a 90-95 percent chance of surviving at least five years, but only 19 percent of cases are detected early enough.
Widmayer, her daughters, and a community effort including students at Grover Middle School led by eighth grader Caroline Boyle and her mom, Liz, along with Monica Miranda of Plainsboro and eighth graders at Community, tied the teal ribbons as part of the “Turn the Towns Teal” campaign, which started with 40 towns three years ago, and has now grown to nearly 200 towns, mostly in the northeast. The color teal is to ovarian cancer awareness as the color pink is to breast cancer awareness. Just as October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, so is September now Ovarian Cancer Awareness month.
Shari, who is on the advisory councils of the Teal Tea Foundation and the Delaware Valley Chapter of the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition, is warm and has a great sense of humor, even as she talks about the disease that just two years ago cast such a frightening shadow on her family’s future. “I went around the world to adopt my daughters, and I realized that if something happened to me, my husband was going to dress them funny,” she declares, with a wry smile. Her husband, Don, is a retired state trooper who put in 25 years with the New Jersey State Police. He’s worked two years as an instructional assistant at Hawk and is now halfway to getting his teaching certificate at Rider. “He will be student teaching in January, and is going for the K-5 age group, so very well may end up being a kindergarten cop,” laughs Shari.
However, her cancer was no laughing matter, and both her husband and their daughters were her stalwart supporters in her fight. It was right after the 4th of July, 2007, when she was diagnosed. The family had just returned from vacation at Martha’s Vineyard, and Shari wasn’t feeling well. The first signal was a change in her bowel habits, accompanied by a low-grade fever and a fatigue bordering on exhaustion. Initially, her physician thought it was irritable bowel syndrome. Four weeks later, an ultrasound picked up an abnormality in her abdominal area, and a CAT-scan confirmed a diagnosis of state three ovarian cancer. Her illness was fairly advanced for someone who did not have any other symptoms, someone who faithfully went to the gynecologist every year. “I just about fell right on the floor,” recalls Shari. Her surgery followed pretty quickly after that: a full hysterectomy along with removal of part of her stomach lining where her cancer had spread.
“The first day I came home, the teachers and principal at Hawk sent flowers, balloons, and full meals. My friends and neighbors got us a cleaning service, gift cards for restaurants, food baskets, people I didn’t even know came to help us, and it meant so much,” says Shari. “And then there was the flip side, women who had been in my house who didn’t look at me, and walked away. They didn’t know how that was, how destroyed I felt. I think they didn’t know what to say so they ignored me. I believe it was ignorance. They just didn’t know how to handle it.”
Shari’s surgery was followed by six rounds of chemotherapy. “I lost my hair, and though I felt pretty good, I was in a funk because I didn’t know whether all of it would work or not,” she says. “When Hannah was in a cheer competition, I was doing her cheer curls, and I could hardly move my arms above my head. As I watched her compete, I cried because I didn’t know if I would see this kind of thing again. Everything I did, I didn’t know if it would be the last time.”
But Shari was one of the fortunate ones. She had her last round of chemotherapy in January, 2008, and has been in remission since then. “I realized that I was lucky to get a diagnosis right away. Nobody dragged their feet. The process didn’t go on for years and years. Women are told all the time you’re not feeling well because you’re getting older, you’re going through your changes.”
Shari points out that many women think a routine pap smear will detect ovarian cancer, but it doesn’t. The only real diagnostic tool is the CA-125 cancer antigen test, but unless women know to ask for it, it is not a routine test. “Ovarian cancer is a back burner issue because doctors don’t see it as often,” explains Shari. “With breast cancer there is a protocol. There are breast self-exams, there are mammograms.
Women need to know more about ovarian cancer and to listen to their bodies. You have to be your own best advocate. Be forceful when necessary. If you’re wrong, you can check it off your list. If you’re right, you may have saved your own life.”
Common indications of ovarian cancer are pain in the abdomen, a bloated feeling, frequency or urgency to urinate in absence of infection, unexplained weight gain or loss, unexplained changes in bowel habits and gastrointestinal upsets including gas, nausea, and indigestion.
Shari hopes that by sharing her experience with others, she can raise awareness about this deadly disease. The ribbon-tying effort is combined with a public relations campaign throughout September that also includes handing out literature on ovarian cancer to women’s groups and at community events.
“It’s all about awareness and education,” says Shari. “I don’t know if they will be able to find an early test or a cure, but if women are well-prepared and are their best advocates, they will have the best results. It’s not to scare people. I want women to be able to get a good diagnosis, or go in with the ammunition of saying these are my symptoms, we need to look at ovarian cancer more seriously.”
For more information about the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition go to www.ovarian.org. For more information about Turning the Towns Teal, go to www.turnthetownsteal.org.
