I have known that the world is becoming interconnected in more ways than I would have imagined, but now I understand that the shrinking of our horizons is reason to be more vigilant than ever about the news.##M:[more]##
I have been jarred to this realization by the tainted milk scare in China. The latest is that four babies have died and another 54-thousand have been sickened by a baby formula laced with a toxic chemical. Twelve countries have banned Chinese dairy products. In the United States there were rumors that Oreo products with milk might be contaminated, and that forced giant Kraft Foods to issue a statement emphasizing that none of their products contain dairy from China. Mars, maker of M&Ms, also went on the record, saying that the company doesn’t source ingredients from China’s blacklisted firms.
So here I am thinking, phew, my family is safe, and then I came across another story that made my heart drop. On the list of Chinese products on the danger list was “White Rabbit” candies, a creamy, milky, toffee-like sweet, and a personal favorite of Katie’s and mine. Just before we dropped her off at college, we made a special stop at a little shop in Princeton to pick up two bags, part of an advance care package she could take with her. We broke open one of the packages as we set up her room, and I merrily popped them in my mouth in full chain-chewing mode. As I was leaving, she offered me the rest of the bag, and I gobbled them up on my sad and solitary ride home on I-95, a small comfort as I bade farewell to my firstborn.
But she still had the other bag! I immediately reached out to her on all communication fronts-by phone, both voicemail and text, and by E-mail. “URGENT-throw away White Rabbit candies-POISON!” I wrote. Within minutes, she texted me back: “I will. Wow, scary.”
The contaminant in the milk is melamine, a chemical used for making plastics and tanning leather, and the problem is that when it is consumed by humans, especially tiny babies who drink milk in large quantities, it can cause kidney problems. Since I am much larger than an infant, and I only consumed one bag of candy, I am not particularly worried for myself. Still, again, this is example of why it is important to be aware, especially when it comes to your family’s health.
I mentioned that I reached out to Katie on numerous communication fronts. This brings me to another interesting discussion about life today and communication with your children, especially when they go away to school. In my day, I barely spoke to my parents once I left. There were five of us in a suite freshman year, and we shared one telephone, taken out under one person’s name.
At the end of the month, we all highlighted our phone calls, tallied up the total, and then wrote out a check. It was a pain in the neck and a complete disincentive to be chatty with the folks back home. There was, of course, no E-mail, no texting, no cell phone. Yale Station, which housed all of our post office boxes, was a bit like Grand Central Station, one of the crossroads on campus, because back then, as now, college students still eagerly welcomed care packages.
Before Katie left, I broached the subject of communication with her. “Well, I want to know that you’re safe, and if you are happy about something, like a good grade on a test, or sad about something, like a bad grade on a test, I’d want to hear from you. But I don’t want to be a helicopter parent hovering over you, and I don’t want you to feel like you are obligated to report in to me all the time, because, after all, college is about freedom and independence and making your own decisions.” “Still,” I told her, “I am not sure how we should handle this.”
“Why don’t we just see how it goes, mom,” she suggested to me with newfound college wisdom.
The day after she got there, she called me to say, “Mom, Carla’s mom called her four times in two hours yesterday and left four messages saying where are you? I am so glad you’re not like that!”
I have to report that we are still working out the communication thing. Sometimes she calls or texts her dad and sometimes she calls or texts me. She was home last weekend, and aside from the White Rabbit exchange, it’s been fairly quiet. It’s as if she got her “home fix” and now she’ll be good for a while. Yes, I could try to keep tabs on her every hour of the day. I could ask her to text me to make sure she comes home from a party safely, and I could ask her to E-mail me any time she gets grades back from a professor. But I won’t. The tools of technology should be used to enhance our relationships, not tie them down.
But there is one thing that definitely has not changed, even in the 30 years that I started college. They still love care packages. However, there is one huge difference. I was happy to receive Nestle’s tollhouse cookies baked by loving hands at home, and share them with my roommates, even if they were crumbled during the long journey. Now, kids can give us specific direction on exactly it is they need (translate: want). For her next care package, Katie gave me not only the description and color of the LL Bean slippers she would like, she sent me the online link so I could order without any mistakes. Because I love her and I want her feet to be happy, I’ll send them. And that is one thing that is immutable in the face of both time and technology: A mother’s love wrapped in a package.
