The other day a thought bounced into my brain as I stopped for a light and my heart nearly stopped as well.##M:[more]## AAACKK! I think I must have started hyperventilating because my daughter leaned over and said, “what’s wrong, mom, you’re scaring me.”
“Oh no, I forgot to pick up Camille,” I wailed. I looked at my watch. Five minutes until practice. If I did a quick U, she’d never know what I had done. “Don’t tell her I forgot her,” I warned my daughter. “Just say I’m running a tiny bit late.”
“Mom, you’re overreacting,” said my cool-as-a-cucumber daughter. Ha! She could talk. She wasn’t driving in West Windsor rush hour!
Anyway, back to my transgression. I got the girls to practice only a few minutes late and the child I’d forgotten never caught on to the drama. My new mantra as I engage upon the new driving season is stolen directly from the federal education law: No Child Left Behind.
Most of the parents I know finished the first week of school feeling more than a little wiped out. September is dress rehearsal month, kids and parents both establishing new routines and running them through. But we barely had time to catch our breath from the week, before the weekend machine started cranking full blast.
Friday night was a scout meeting, 7th grade dance, and movie date. Saturday was two soccer games (at the same time) and dance class. A 7:30 a.m. call for football on Sunday was followed by a 4 p.m. scheduled start for cheerleading that didn’t begin until 5.
Throw into the mix a bowling party, a sailing party, and a dinner party for 20 on Saturday night. Add in snack duty for soccer, snack duty for football, and a three-hour stint at the Wildcats concession stand Sunday that stretched into four as the games stretched out through the day. That night I would have collapsed except that one child needed help with geometry and chemistry and another needed help typing a paper.
While this may sound like complaining, I’m not complaining at all. I understand that we are in the full swing of family life with three active children. We signed on for this duty. Nobody forced it upon us. Moreover, this is all good, happy stuff. We rejoice in our kids and revel in the fact that while the rhythm of our lives is relentless, their days are marked by discovery and joy.
I have also railed about the danger of overscheduling children, but the bottom line is that none of our children is overbooked. Each has a full but reasonable slate of activities.
However, the reality with three kids is that I’m overbooked. While the biggest challenge with the baby used to be to keep him from falling asleep in the car as he was lugged around to his sisters’ activities, he now has a full schedule of his own. Bill helps when he can, but he’s busy commuting and making the bacon so I can buy it, cook it, serve it, and then get the kids to practice on time. Sometimes I feel I’m literally going in all different directions. Sometimes my brain follows. Other times it does not. AAACKK! Beam me up, Scotty!
Actually, the idea of a teleporter is wonderful. Put your kid inside, push a button, and beam her to ballet. Until such a device is invented, the closest thing we have is the help of others. I can’t start my day without talking to my friend, Maria. Each morning we check in to figure out who will drive whom where and to what. Often there are other families involved. But it all works out.
My nightmare used to be that I would forget my locker combination. My current nightmare is that I will indeed leave another child behind. Somehow. Someday. Somewhere.
Another nightmare that makes me break out in a cold sweat because it actually did happen is forgetting to bring snack when it’s your day. It was our first year in soccer and I was watching my child kick the ball when an unpleasant thought kicked me. AAACKK! I had forgotten I was the snack parent! My dropping the ball, so to speak, would haunt my baby for the rest of her soccer career!
My heart was pounding as I burned rubber out to the grocery store. I didn’t have time to run home for a knife and cutting board so I bought a new knife and cutting board I absolutely didn’t need and raced back to the field, where I furiously started slicing up oranges right out there in the parking lot. I ran across the field just as the kids were coming off the field. Safe! But just barely.
Donna Reilly, a realtor and mother of two, says it’s wonderful to be able to give your kids a million and one choices. At the same time, the crazy schedules can put tremendous stress on family life, especially in a profession like hers where she often works weekends.
There are no easy answers. You can say no and put limits on what you allow your kids to do. The other great answer is to network with other parents to carpool and offer moral support. Or you can decide to grin and bear it and live by the Nike slogan : Just Do It. Recognize that family life, hectic as it is right now, is fleeting and kids grow up all too quickly.
I have friends who have an empty nest or are facing one soon who remember the days of frenzy with fondness and would love to turn back the clock. Also remember that eventually they’ll get their licenses and that will create a whole new set of worries at the same time that it relieves you of some of the physical load. So hang in there and have fun. It won’t always be like this. And while in a way that may be a relief, it’s also a sadness.
The Suburban Mom’s blog is at suburbanmom.typepad.com. She welcomes comments and suggestions for future column ideas.
